The Hearts True Nature

Dear Creator...

2011-08-15T08:29:00.000-04:00

God,

I have lost track again.

The world has sucked me in, I caved to the pressures of others who don't know you.

Take away my complacency.

Take away my greed, my need for comfort and false securities.

You've asked me to be the salt and light, but my salt is weak and my light is dim, it barely flickers.

My actions mirror those around me.

Harsh judgement and cruel words fly from my lips.

I want to love my enemies with the love that can only come from you.

I want to stop trying to figure you out and just accept you as the One who made me, and the One who knows best.

Forgive my arrogance, my self-centeredness, my audacity in thinking that I know best, that I can tell you how to be God.

Your ways are inexplicable.

I want to believe your truths, all of them, even the ones that make me uncomfortable. The ones that others just can't believe you would do because you're a loving God, and love doesn't ever equal pain.

Rescue me from myself.

I want to be your beacon in this lost world.

I want to give up my comforts to help those in need.

Mold me, make me more like you.

Set me on fire.

Set me apart.

Amen.

Creativity...

2011-03-30T15:36:00.000-04:00

The more I observe, the more I witness, the more I experience creative people, the more I have come to understand the creative process. Highly creative people need the emotional ups and downs to create. The creative process comes from that deep emotion's (pain, joy, anger...) need to get out.

Creativity lives in the fringes of insanity.

I'm not labeling. Much of what I write about comes from personal experience. I am a creative person.

Creativity drives me.

It takes on a life of it's own.

It's therapy.

It's exercise for the brain.

It's unpredictable.

It's a gift from above.

Procrastination you are NOT my Friend

2011-03-22T08:36:00.000-04:00

I hate the one bad habit that I have (hahahaha, "one" bad habit, wink, wink ;)....

PROCRASTINATION!!!

I'm not sure why I do it. I have to say, I work really well under pressure and typically I still get things done. I even get good grades on papers that I stay up til 1am writing. However, it's not healthy to procrastinate. It is healthy to not stress over getting things done prematurely. I think I really need to list the reasons why I procrastinate so I have something to go back to:

1) I think part of it has to do with ADD.......squirrel! I get distracted easily. My motto is "as long as everything is accomplished during the day, it doesn't matter how it got accomplished".

2) I enjoy the adrenaline rush of doing things at the last minute.

3) I can live in denial and have fun in the moment, well, until the final hour comes and then I have to get down to business.

4) I have an over packed calendar. Most of which is unavoidable with running kids from place to place and just being a Mom.

5) I don't remeber what day it is, then I realize that it's actually Monday and I have a paper due by 2am!

6) I have good intentions but then unexpected things happen that require my attention.

Ok, so they are all just a list of excuses.

And occassionally it is just an EPIC FAIL on my part.

Procrastination is not my friend.

We must part ways.

We're divorcing as of today.

Say a little prayer as I start to research my next paper that is due NEXT Monday. Thanks.

Tea is not Water and Gum has Sweeteners, and Ooops! I ate a Tater Tot!

2011-03-16T10:23:00.001-04:00

I know tea is not water, and gum does have sweeteners (but I will keep searching the aisles of Whole Foods to find one that doesn't).

I have been doing fine with my fast, but then as I was cleaning up after dinner, I popped a tater tot right into my mouth! Oooops! I realized. Then I tried to rationalize it as I ate three more, "Potatoes are vegetables and oil is ok, and they are baked, right??" This morning I woke up and thought to myself that I must have been under some sort of spell as I rationalized the eating of the tater tot. No, it's not ok, they are processed and probably fried before they are frozen and then re-baked.

I asked forgiveness.

And now as I sit here trying to make sense of things, and procrastinate starting to write my paper on the History of Nursing Theorists, I realize that we do that very thing every day.

Let me break it down:

We do something bad/sinful,

we realize it,

we rationalize it,

we do it again,

then we realize it,

ask forgiveness,

then we do it again,

then we realize it,

maybe ask forgiveness again,

etc.,

etc......

It gets old doesn't it?

Thank you Jesus that you forgive us and you change us.

Apple on my Counter......Summer 2010

Fasting

2011-03-15T08:30:00.000-04:00

But Daniel determined that he would not defile himself by eating the king's food or drinking his wine, so he asked the head of the palace staff to exempt him from the royal diet. The head of the palace staff, by God's grace, liked Daniel, but he warned him, "I'm afraid of what my master the king will do. He is the one who assigned this diet and if he sees that you are not as healthy as the rest, he'll have my head!"

But Daniel appealed to a steward who had been assigned by the head of the palace staff to be in charge of Daniel, Hananiah, Mishael, and Azariah: "Try us out for ten days on a simple diet of vegetables and water. Then compare us with the young men who eat from the royal menu. Make your decision on the basis of what you see."

Daniel 1:8-13

Today is day 7 for me. I have been hesitant to talk about fasting. It's something I am doing to draw closer to God, find descernemet, and detoxify my body and soul. I have been reading about it and studying about it for a long time, but have always put it on a back burner, "I'll start after vacation, after Christmas, after school is done, blah, blah, blah....".

What better time to start then during Lent. I am giving up sugar for Lent and decided to do this Daniel fast to start off.

NO: meats, dairy, leavened bread, refined processed foods, deep-fried foods, solid fats, and non-water beverages.

YES: vegetables, fruit, whole grains, nuts , seeds, legumes, quality oils, soy foods, water.

YES: Daily focus on Gods' word and the strongholds in my life that need to be released, so I can see clearly what God's plan is for me.

This first week has been challenging. I haven't found it challenging to eat healthy. I typically enjoy eating that way with added goodies (cookies and cakes and bagels). I have found it challenging to stay on track as my body revolts and detoxes. I have been bloated and physically feeling sick for this first week. Night time is the hardest time for me.

I just want a little cookie or to lick the icing off a cupcake or two or twelve...

Or a chewy gooey rice crispy treat...

Or my famous caramel popcorn...

So for today I focus on this:


"The Daisy and The Bee" taken in my backyard two Springs ago.

Picture Inspiration

2011-03-09T14:42:00.000-05:00

I'm participating in a year long photo adventure called Picture Inspiration. If you want to read more about it, there is button on the right column of my blog.

Each week I receive photo prompts, challenges, and projects. I looooovvvvvveeeee taking pictures! And this is a great way to find inspiration and also have the support of a fabulous community of other photographers.

This week my prompt was Finding a Little Rhythm....

Secret Lake

Wood

The Most Important Little Nugget

2011-03-08T08:08:00.001-05:00

I am trying to read the bible this year. You know, do one of those "read the bible in a year" things. I feel like I have read most of the bible at some point in my life, but I think there are things that I have probably glazed over, and things that just didn't catch my eye. I'm realizing there's actually a lot that I haven't read.

Confession: I have a hard time paying attention to the old testament. I feel like it is the same thing over and over again. When I say paying attention, I don't mean as in obedience, I mean as in I'm a little ADD and have a hard time paying attention.

I'm reading Deuteronomy right now. It goes a little something like this:

Moses leads the Israelites to the east side of the Jordan.
God tells Moses "Sorry, you're not going to the other side, like ever! You're going to die without ever seeing the promised land. Joshua (your assistant) will do it, he'll lead them, so encourage him." (that's how I hear it).
Moses gives a bunch of speeches to remind them about the past 40 years.
The Israelites whine about God not loving them.
Moses tells them to obey God, don't worship idols, etc., etc. and they will be a strong nation.

And then one of the most important little nuggets of information is found in Deuteronomy 6:4-5:

"Listen Israel! The Lord our God is the only true God! So love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and strength."

Later Jesus reiterates (Mark 12:29) that this is the most important thing to do. This along with the second most important thing to do "Love others as you love yourself".

I really think this is the summation of what Christianity is.

Christ followers need to stop asking what's wrong with those who don't follow Christ.

Maybe we need to start asking what's wrong with us.

Maybe we need to strip

down to the basics.

Get back to the heart of what Jesus was saying.

Stop judging, stop writing people off.

Stop thinking we got it made cause we've accepted Jesus.

Stop being self centered.

Just love God and love others, period, that's all.

So here's your challenge: Strip down your beliefs to just those 2 commandments. Do it for a day or a week or a month. See what happens when you really live out what Jesus said. Then, let me know what happens....

Novice or Expert?

2011-03-03T13:38:00.000-05:00

There is this book I had to read a long time ago when I was in school working on my Bachelors Degree in Nursing. The book is called Novice to Expert. That's it right over there to your left, just in case you need a visual or would want to learn about this process that nurses go through. Written by Patricia Benner, it's been revised a few times. I'm sure it has so much more exciting information in this latest addition (sarcasm intended).

Back to my point... So nurses go through this process from being a fresh new nurse to being a nurse with much wisdom and experience. New nurses know that they don't know much and they aren't afraid to ask for help or admit that they need help. At some point a new nurse evolves into this person that has a little more knowledge and experience and if they are not careful, they can actually be dangerous because they don't know what they don't know.

This really made me think about how we are in relation to God. I think many of us "Christians" (I don't like that word for various reasons, don't have time to explain right now) go through this same process. After a while of following Christ, we kinda think we know everything. But we will never know all of who God is. We will need to seek Him and keep learning about Him for our entire lives here on earth.

Knowing that you don't know everything is better than thinking that you do know everything (cause you really don't) :)

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD. “As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.

Isaiah 55:8-9

Haiti

2011-03-02T15:00:00.000-05:00

Something I just can't get off of my mind..... check it out here.

Chickens

2011-03-02T10:37:00.000-05:00

Our Little Red Hen...

The present she leaves us at the front door each morning.

The cat is afraid of the chicken.. go figure.

Sammy and the Little Red Hen (or one of her sisters).

Help for Children

2011-03-01T15:04:00.000-05:00

There is this blog that I have been following for a while now. The Real Hope for Haiti Clinic provides treatment for children diagnosed with malnutrition. I know I am destined to do something like this. I spend hours reading blogs and websites about children in need. My experience as a Neonatal Nurse and a Pediatric Nurse will serve me well in this kind of environment. Each day that I spend at my job and at my home is the training ground for the day I go. I was recently touched by this post. They are raising money for an intensive care tent.

Check them out, see what they are doing over there...

Day 2

2011-02-24T08:25:00.001-05:00

Day 2

Let yourselves be pulled into a way of life shaped by God's life, a life energetic and blazing with holiness...

So roll up your sleeves, put your mind in gear, be totally ready to receive the gift that's coming when Jesus arrives. Don't lazily slip back into those old grooves of evil, doing just what you feel like doing... You didn't know any better then; you do now...

Your life is a journey you must travel with a deep consciousness of God...

Now that you've cleaned up your lives by following the truth, love one another as if your lives depended on it....

(Highlights from The Message 1 Peter 1: 13-25)

2011-02-23T20:15:00.000-05:00

I have just been staring at a blank screen... there's so much that can be said, yet the words are sometimes hard to get out onto paper. I think it's interesting that I feel like I have to have every sentence make perfect grammatical sense, my left brain fighting with my right brain. At times it's easier to just list the words that express my thoughts and feelings, and other times things have to be drawn out in long form. I think for the next several days, I will post some of my thoughts as they come to me... stay tuned, respond as you feel prompted.

Day 1

I find it interesting that dysfunctional people always blame others for everything that goes wrong. They are masters at manipulating a situation so that they look innocent. They are unwilling to change because... it's not their fault. They are probably the most self centered people I know. I watch them push others away without realizing they are pushing others away.
I guess that's why they are dysfunctional.
I wonder if this is how God feels about us?
I sometimes feel like there is this barrier that we all remain under.
If we could just break through, we would see that the world is just not what we think it is.
It's so different.
The things we place value on hold no value in the grand scheme of things.

Every now and then, I get a little glimpse.

A little glimpse of being closer to God, and viewing the world through His eyes.

It's amazing.

This is all I've got to say....

2011-02-16T15:47:00.000-05:00

Sometimes a song just says it all.....

Time to Think....

2011-02-03T12:05:00.002-05:00

I have been knee deep in work and school these last few months. I decided after 18 years in the health care industry to return to school....

Why??

Have I lost my mind?

YES!

Wife, Mother to 4, full -time NICU nurse, of course I've lost my mind, but it was gone long before I returned to school.

I often look at my "high functioning" friends. They are "high functioning" because these women balance many things and succeed. These are the leaders, the mentors, the innovators in my industry. It's awesome to be part of a profession that allows women, especially mothers to excel. I have to laugh at how we do it sometimes. I often have the choice to call into a meeting from home. This is great because it keeps me home with my kids, and I am able to participate in important meetings.

Let me pause for a moment:

Have you ever tried to have a professional conference call with screaming kids in the background?

I have to do the double barricade technique.... I lock the bedroom door and then lock myself into the bathroom located in the bedroom. This normal works, it takes them a little while to figure out where I am and then a little longer to bust down the doors.

At times I hear alarming sounds and have to check on them. It's a lot like going into battle, here's the plan:

First step: MUTE THE PHONE

Second step: ENTER BATTLE ZONE (watch for flying debris)

Third Step: MAKE SURE NO ONE IS UNCONSCIOUS OR BLEEDING

Fourth Step: AVOID (questions like: "When is dinner, we're HUNGRY!")

Fifth Step: RETURN TO BARRICADE (hope no one follows and you can pick up on the conversation at hand with the "grown ups" at work, oh, and add something intelligent to the conversation).

Amidst the chaos

is a common goal of providing care to human beings in a compassionate, loving way.

That's why we do what we do.

We sacrifice, we give.

We're role models to our families and friends.

We better ourselves with education and training.

That's why I'm a nurse.

That's why I'm going back to school, so I can be the best nurse that I can be.

Me & some of my "high functioning" nurse friends

2011-02-01T12:51:00.000-05:00

Ever feel like a song was written about you? Here's one for me. I didn't think Pink was my color.....

Made a wrong turn, once or twice
Dug my way out, blood and fire
Bad decisions, that's alright
Welcome to my silly life
Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood
Miss 'No way, it's all good', it didn't slow me down
Mistaken, always second guessing, underestimated
Look, I'm still around

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than , less than perfect
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like you're nothing
You are perfect to me!

You're so mean, when you talk about yourself, you were wrong
Change the voices in your head, make them like you instead
So complicated, look happy, you'll make it!
Filled with so much hatred...such a tired game
It's enough! I've done all I can think of
Chased down all my demons, I've seen you do the same

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than, less than perfect
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like you're nothing
You are perfect to me!

Pictures are Worth a Thousand Words

2010-12-25T17:35:00.000-05:00

Or so they say.....

I love this picture of us. I actually took this on my computer. It was one of those moments when I was trying to read my email and my boys kept buggin' me. So I opened up the Photo Booth on my Mac and they literally tackled me! I have two girls who were no where to be found.

So we laughed and did a photo shoot with just us.

When I look at my face, I see genuine happiness and joy! My children bring me that joy.

They make my world a better place.

The thing that defines me most is being a Mom.

Presents

2010-12-17T08:21:00.000-05:00

Life gets so busy.

And I've been at a loss for words.

As I have opened up to God's plan, he has taken me down a path that I didn't think I would go on. I often thought of my job as a nurse as a way to make money while doing something I enjoyed. I thought of my creativity as the only way God could use me to reach others.

What I failed to see was how it is all a package...

like a present...

from God.

Maybe my view had to do with the way people saw me,

or the way I saw myself.

Who knows.

What I do know is that God has a plan.

For me.

For you.

This Christmas, as we celebrate the birth of Jesus, my prayer for you is that you will look deep inside and find the gifts that God gave you.

You're very own present.

l'arte d'arrangiarsi

2010-08-05T10:51:00.000-04:00

The art of making something out of nothing...

My grandmother taught me this. She learned it from her mother-in-law. I never really knew this was part of my Italian heritage. I thought this was something that my family did out of necessity. My Great-Grandmother, Nonna, came here with her husband in 1923. She was pregnant with my grandfather. They came from Sicily, a town called Fiumedinisi, to Ellis Island. I can't imagine what that boat ride was like, especiallly being pregnant. They went from New York to Washington D.C. My Great-Grandfather, Pop, was a barber. And Nonny work several jobs to help support their family of seven. That's the Sicilian way, work hard. Maybe that's why Sicilian women are so feisty and rugged!

So when my Grandmother married my Grandfather, she was made an official part of the family. Nonny taught her how to cook and how to be a Sicilian. I think she wanted to make sure my Grandfather was taken care of "properly", the way she took care of him all of his life. The blessing in this is that my Grandmother learned the ways of this culture and she passed that down to my mother and to me.

So, the art of making something out of nothing...

My grandmother first taught me this when we cooked. She said Nonna showed her how to take a small amount of food and feed a family of seven. She showed me how to use things we already had to make my home beautiful. It's something I try to teach to my children, so hopefully they will learn to be content with what they have and pass this valuable skill down to their children.

I'm reading "Eat Pray Love". I heard her mention this in the book. It was one of the things she learned in Italy. She said anyone with a talent for happiness can do this.

How are you making something out of nothing??

Leave me a comment, I'd love to hear.

Island Fields: Artists

2010-07-30T14:29:00.000-04:00

Island Fields: Artists: "Artists see the world through different eyes. I find myself amazed at the colors of nature or the texture found in a freshly mowed lawn or t..."

Crazy Summer

2010-07-28T13:20:00.000-04:00

It's been a crazy summer so far, lots of travel and other insanities. Here it is in a nutshell:

Wedding
Home
Work
Bronchitis
Lightening strike
Popcorn Fire
Work
Blueberris
Yellow Jacket
Forest Fire
Beach
Home
Work
Toaster Fire
Maryland
Work
Car fire
Yoga
Dance
Yellow Jackets
Wasps
Tennis
Popcorn Fire
Blood
Zumba

With all of that excitement so far, what else could happen???

Sunday

2010-07-12T20:32:00.002-04:00

This Sunday was amazing to me. I haven't physically been to church in about 2 months. My job as a nurse requires me to work every weekend. Working every weekend provides me the flexibility to be home all week with my children like when I was a stay at home mom. It works for us at this stage of life.

I love my church. I like how I walk in and see smiling faces that welcome me home. I like how people come in with all of their brokenness and problems and there are welcoming faces, it's comfortable to be there. You don't feel self conscious. The labels you wear don't matter there.

We're doing a four week study right now on the one-chapter books of the New Testament. Yesterday we studied Philemon. I've glazed over this book before, once or twice, but never realized what an awesome message there was in it. We are not defined by our human labels...

LABELS: wife, daughter, artist, nurse, extrovert, impulsive, unpredictable, funny, divorced, mother, stubborn, short, angry, Italian, organized, loud, silly, bitchy, moody, selfish, happy...... the list goes on.

BUT... "In Christ you are better than your human label" those are the words that my Pastor spoke yesterday. Those words made my heart leap. It felt good to hear them, to hear someone speak them out loud.

LABELS FROM GOD: bought, pardoned, free, saved, beautiful, loved....

WHAT LABELS WILL YOU WEAR?

WHO DEFINES YOU?

(Thanks PCC for doing what you do!)

More on Philemon, check out this post on Brian's blog.

Picture Summer Day 12

2010-07-12T16:01:00.000-04:00

Simple Solitude...

"Jess"

Picture Summer Day 11

2010-07-12T16:00:00.000-04:00

Treat Yourself...

"The Plunge"

Picture Summer Day 10

2010-07-12T15:58:00.000-04:00

Making Memories....

"Daddy and Me"

Picture Summer Day 9

2010-07-12T15:56:00.000-04:00

The Shape of Things...

"Apple in the Kitchen"

Picture Summer Day 8

2010-07-12T15:54:00.000-04:00

Back from vacation... picture summer continues.
(I will post days 4-7 when I get back on my other computer.)

Here is day 8....... Treasure Hunt

"Favorite Things"

Picture Summer Day 2 & 3

2010-07-03T09:21:00.000-04:00

July 2, 2010: 'Splashy' is today's theme

July 3, 2010: 'Centered'

30 Days of Summer

2010-07-01T18:41:00.000-04:00

The 30 Days of Summer Pictorial starts today... here's my first picture

"Blueberry Fields"

Lost Generation

2010-07-01T18:34:00.000-04:00

Vacation Time!

2010-06-30T22:14:00.000-04:00

My vacation started yesterday. My last day of work, now three days to pack and we're off. Looking so forward to the beach, family, food, relaxation, fun, food, sun, ocean, shopping, oh and did I say food?

Every year we head to the beach for our week vacation. We go with my mom, sisters, and nieces. It's become our family tradition to go to the Outer Banks, and this will be our 13th year! My job at the beach is to cook for everyone. I have been named Top Chef, with my sister Christy being my Sous Chef, and my Mom and the kids filling in as Line and Prep Cooks. My sister Di is on clean up duty, and she's fine with that. Any one who knows me knows that my life revolves around food. I think most Italians revolve their lives around food. Someone gets married, we eat. Someone dies, we eat. Someone has a baby, we eat. Holidays... eat. Friends coming over... eat. Sad... eat. Happy... eat. Mad... eat. Am I forgetting anything? well, just eat.

There is something very sacred about the beach. It was my peace of mind as I was growing up. We spent every summer in Ocean City, MD. We had a beach house in Fenwick Island and I have so many happy memories of family, the beach, our boat, crabbing on the bay, and all of our summer friends that we grew up with.

I'm looking forward to the peace, tranquility and inspiration that the beach brings.

Now it's time to do the dreaded packing :(

Middle Class Housewife

2010-06-18T08:49:00.000-04:00

So, my Mom emailed me this video....

Pictures...that's all

2010-06-17T13:34:00.000-04:00

I am getting ready to do a 30 day pictorial called Picture Summer. So to get my creative juices flowing, I thought I would post some pictures I took from a recent family wedding....

Everything Beachy

2010-06-10T15:10:00.000-04:00

I love this Blog... and she's giving away this necklace... enter to win, just click the Simpledaisy picture above.

Beauty

2010-06-09T08:37:00.000-04:00

Last spring, every Tuesday evening, my home was invaded by a bunch of girls ranging in age from 11-21!

We talked about finding our inner beauty.

We talked about how the media and our peers distort our view of ourselves.

We talked about how we subscribe to the worldly view of beauty...

and forget who our true Author is.

I think it's time to do it again....

Peace

2010-06-03T09:01:00.000-04:00

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Finally, brothers,

whatever is true,

whatever is noble,

whatever is right,

whatever is pure,

whatever is lovely,

whatever is admirable

—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy

—think about such things.

Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

Philippians 4:4-9

Paul wrote this letter from jail to the Christ followers in Philippi. He was thanking them for their support of him. Paul hoped that he would be set free, but he also lived with the very real possibility that he may be put to death. It's a short little book, about half way through the New Testament of the Bible.

Content?

2010-06-02T17:41:00.000-04:00

I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.

I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

 Philippians 4:11-13 

This verse really spoke to me today. 

I've been there with much. 

I've been there with little.

I don't know if it is maturity or God has finally made a break through, but I've realized that no matter what

He is always there.

I Just Love White!!

2010-05-19T08:07:00.005-04:00

So the irony in my love of white is that I rarely use white.

You know, with 4 kids, 2 dogs, and a husband, well, white would end up brown or grey or dirt colored.

But one day, when the kids are grown and the dogs are gone, this is what I want my house to look like......

Click HERE to enjoy this awesome blog!

Your Husband is NOT Jesus.

2010-05-17T13:01:00.006-04:00

I'm sure you're thinking in your head, "You got that right!" along with a long list of his faults.

But that's not what I mean. We all have a long list of faults.

What I am talking about is having expectations that he be perfect.

I think that our little human hearts just expect too much from other human beings. We chase the emptiness, we chase it in our marriages, in our friendships, even in our children. We want that empty hole in our hearts to be filled by someone. We expect the other person to rescue us and take away our pain and solve all of our problems.

NEWS FLASH..... IT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN!

We must somehow remember what it was like to be Adam and Eve, before the downfall of mankind, before the apple incident. I think God wants it to be like that so we crave him. The problem is, we are short sighted and we only see what's right in front of us, which are other fallible human beings just like us... searching.

Searching for comfort and safety and self fulfillment. We're so needy and self-centered. We create so much conflict because of our deep seated desire for those things.

Why is the divorce rate over 50%? Maybe it has something to do with our expectations, and our unconscious selfishness. What happens when we don't get our needs met?

We demand.

We argue.

We get angry.

We build walls.

We stop listening.

We become more self centered.

We crawl away and lick our wounds.

What if we stopped,

stopped the vicious cycle.

Stopped putting so much pressure on the other person.

What if we just accepted them for who they are?

What if we just treated them like they were a normal person who sometimes screws up?

A person who wasn't there to fix you, or solve your life's problems.

Maybe our husbands are just there to go through life with us, so we're not alone in this world.

What if we tried to get closer to God, you know, like read the bible, pray, talk to other like minded individuals?

God isn't going to solve all of our problems either, but it sure is sweet to have Him on your side, reminding you that someday, you will be made perfect, in Heaven.

Maybe, God just wants us to let him love us.

Maybe focussing on Him would take the focus off of them (our husbands).

Maybe it would free us to love others without expectations.

I dare you to try..

Oh, and BTW men, your Wife is not Jesus either.

Complacency

2010-05-14T20:47:00.003-04:00

com·pla·cen·cy

self-satisfaction especially when accompanied by unawareness of actual dangers or deficiencies

Today was a busy day in the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit). I work in a hospital that is fairly new. The NICU has been open for about 3 1/2 years. We have 6 beds, with a staff of very well seasoned NICU Nurses, most of us have worked in other busy NICU's before coming here. We have a really unique work environment. It seems that we are either very busy or very slow. It cycles, depending on what was going on 8 or 9 months ago, or what the weather is like, or if there's a full moon out that week, or who knows what.

We accept babies as early as 30 weeks. There are other NICU's that accept babies as early as 23-24 weeks. And even though we don't accept babies less than 30 weeks, we have to be prepared to stabilize babies as young as 23-24 weeks. We need to be able to stabilize these babies and prepare them to be transfered to our sister facility that has the specialists available to provide care for them.

We need to always be prepared for the unexpected.

So as I worked in the busy NICU today, I realized that during those slow times, many of us have become complacent.

What I mean is, we get too relaxed. We forget to check our equipment or our supplies, we forget to prepare bed spaces. We get comfortable.

We become unaware of what might happen.

So as I worked in the busy NICU today, getting vital signs, feeding babies, hanging IV fluids, I wondered if sometimes in life we become complacent too. We get so wrapped up and comfortable in our lives that we forget about God. We forget about our final destination. It made me think about the verse in 1 Thessalonians......

I don't think, friends, that I need to deal with the question of when all this is going to happen. You know as well as I that the day of the Master's coming can't be posted on our calendars. He won't call ahead and make an appointment any more than a burglar would. About the time everybody's walking around complacently, congratulating each other—"We've sure got it made! Now we can take it easy!"—suddenly everything will fall apart. It's going to come as suddenly and inescapably as birth pangs to a pregnant woman. 1 Thessalonians 5:1-3 (The Message)

Thankful Thursdays.... CHAOS!

2010-05-13T20:36:00.007-04:00

ALEC

He's 11 years old and a very smart and caring young man. He is known for his guitar playing and for his Alec-isms, (the very deep and cerebral things he says). So, I wanted to share this video of him playing his guitar.

Let me set it up first...

The day started off with a strange vibe in the air. I was at Romp and Roll with John Ashton (my 2 year old), and it seemed like every kid in the room was super charged with energy. If I didn't know better, I would think it were a full moon. The strange energy continued at home, as the day went on, things got more and more chaotic.

What was meant to be a video to show case Alec, turned out to be, well, somewhat of a disaster. Please try to look past the background noise. Next time we will hide in the closet while filming. This is the perfect ending to the perfectly chaotic day...

Today I am thankful for chaos. It lets me know I'm alive. It keeps me on my toes. It overwhelms me and helps me realize that there are just some things that are out of our control.

Liar

2010-05-12T10:19:00.000-04:00

What a great post this is, gotta read it @ The Gypsy Momma, go there, read it..... you'll be blessed.

Bloom

2010-05-11T13:31:00.000-04:00

Gotta tell you a story, a story about how God works in my life. If there is one thing I have learned in 43 years of being on this earth, it's that I need to be open to things, and content with not always having direction.

Ok, I admit it, that's hard for me, the goal oriented over achiever that I am.

But, there's this book that I bought about 5 or 6 years ago. It was in a rack at the Kroger or Food Lion, can't remember which. I bought it. It's called "Strong Women, Soft Hearts" by Paula Rinehart.

For some reason, I stuck it on my book shelf and never read it. It later made it's way to a box stored in my shed. As I was cleaning out stuff for a yard sale, I came across the book and decided to sell it at the yard sale. I figured some other women might enjoy reading it. It was in a box in my daughters car ready to be sold. Later that night I was reading this blog that I had discovered several months ago. The blog is called Bloom. It's an online book club, where women read and discuss certain books, and the book that they are discussing now is.......

"Strong Women, Soft Hearts".

So, I ran to the car, and grabbed the book out of the yard sale box. And started reading, and knew that God had totally planned it this way. I really needed to hear this stuff now, not 5 years ago, but right now!

And here is why, in a nutshell, I'm just beginning this next journey with God there is much to be discovered......

In the midst of my mid-life crisis, I feel empty, like I should know what I'm doing, and have a sense of accomplishment. I know, I have accomplished a lot, but it's this emptiness that I can't explain. Paula Rinehart put it like this in the first paragraph of her book,

"People often complain of such things during that season of life (mid-life is what she is referring to) -- like someone drilled a hole through their souls. While everything looks the same on the outside, they feel hollow and restless, bored in ways that make no sense."

THAT'S IT!!!! She just put into words what I am experiencing right now at this point in my life!

I love how God speaks to me.

Cycles

2010-05-10T12:50:00.000-04:00

I'm drawing a blank these days. I think that's called writer's block or something like that.

Perhaps this is just how life is... it cycles.

There are times of creativity, times of productivity, times of introspection, times of contemplation, times of application, and the list goes on.

Each of these has it's purpose.

It's nice to step back and really take a look at things... gain perspective... wonder.

Ask what if? and why?

Stay in the indecision for a while, stay uncomfortable for a while, it's all part of the growth process that we all go through. (yeah, everyone goes through a growth process, but not everyone is aware of their growth process, open your eyes)

We complicate life so much.
We expect too much from ourselves.
We expect too much from others.
We expect too much from God.

If we really knew Him, we would have no other expectation than to love Him, like He loves us.

God created us for him.

He's not a Genie or Magician that answers our requests in the form of prayers.

He's not something I add to my life, schedule in, make time for.

We are part of His creation, His purpose, His plan.

Donald Miller put it ever so wonderfully when he wrote "If I have a hope, it's that God sat over the dark nothing and wrote you and me, specifically, into the story, and put us in with the sunset and the rainstorm as though to say, Enjoy your place in my story. The beauty of it means you matter, and you can create within it even as I have created you." (from his book "A Million Miles In a Thousand Years")

So where are you in the cycle?

Where are you with God?

What are you creating in God's story?

Why do you do what you do?

Thankful Thursdays on Friday, April 16, 2010

2010-04-15T15:33:00.000-04:00

Today is a really special day. I am thankful for my daughter Samantha Paige. She was born 13 years ago today at St. Mary's Hospital right here in Richmond, VA. She was 2 weeks early, and weighed 8 pounds!

I remember when I first saw her, she had no eyelashes, and was a beautiful, bald, little butterball. Early on, she was quite colicky. I later realized that was just part of her feisty personality. She was always very determined in everything she did, somewhat of a perfectionist. She's a momma's girl, she always wanted to be held and cuddled, and even today she still likes to be close to me.

I just can't believe my baby girl is 13. Where does the time go? For many years in our children's lives, we can't wait for them to get older and on to the next stage. But when they become teenagers, we start counting the years we have left with them.

How much time do I have to teach her everything she needs to know to go out into the world and a become productive adult?

That would be only 6 years.

And I sit back and marvel at the wonderful young women she is becoming. Samantha is a born leader, other kids look up to her and want to be around her. She has awesome friendships, she is a great relater, her friends cherish Samantha for her loyalty to them. Samantha also loves a sense of accomplishment, she achieves anything she puts her mind to. She's also an awesome artist and clarinetist. She dreams of being a Fashion Designer or Emergency Rescue Vet when she gets older. And I have no doubt that she will!

I am so blessed and so thankful for my
Samantha Paige

Thankful Thursdays

2010-04-08T11:52:00.000-04:00

I think Thursdays are great days to give thanks, not that everyday isn't a great day to give thanks, but Thankful and Thursday just sound good together. I think back a few decades to the "positive thinking" stuff that was so popular then, remember Norman Vincent Peale, Zig Ziglar, Maya Angelou?? Ok, so maybe they're not all "positive thinkers", but they were popular back in the 90's, like when Oprah did a show on "Being Grateful". Thankful Thursdays are the same concept.

Everyday, there are things that are good in my life. What if we all lived our lives being thankful for those things? Focused on the positive? Looked at the glass half full?

So Thursdays are the day that I will give thanks for the many blessings that I have been given.....

Last week I posted something about my daughter, Jessi (go to "At Any Cost" to read this post). I am so thankful for my children, they are such a blessing to me. I can't believe that God trusts me this much.... to give me four beautiful children.
Yeah, they're a little crazy, like me ;)

Personal 911

2010-04-07T17:01:00.000-04:00

There's urgency in the numbers

Hope for a desperate world

Insurgency in the slumber

How did we become unfurled?

God wipes away the pain

We died to sin, the time it steals

but it never works

to hurt is easier than to heal.

The clock stops on the wall

the things we keep so near

more than a wake up call

the deeper wounds stop here.

Blinded by the chaos
Hand on the gun
Can't get past the pain
My personal 911

Dedicated to a Friend :)

The “Is that contestant on American Idol a Christian? Scorecard”

2010-04-06T08:43:00.000-04:00

Today, I am participating in the massive guest blog post on Jon Acuff's blog "Stuff Christians Like".

The “Is that contestant on American Idol a Christian? Scorecard”:

20. They drink a 40 ounce of Olde E. malt liquor during one of their interviews. = - 3 points

To add up your score with over a 130 other ideas on this scorecard, visit stuffchristianslike.net.

Follow You

2010-03-31T17:38:00.000-04:00

I've heard this song on the radio for a few months now. And today these words really stood out as I was listening...... "faith without works is dead". It helped me put some things in perspective. I sometimes get sucked into the World of Powhatan as I call it. This little bubble of a community that I live in. I dwell on the big fish in the little pond. I get frustrated with things that I disagree with and put myself on pedestals that I don't belong on. And get angry with those who think they're better than me. Listening to this song made me realize that God made me for a purpose.... His purpose. And where part of that purpose keeps me in Powhatan, another part beckons me somewhere else, some day, as I evolve and listen to God's voice and direction. I can not deny my deep desire to help babies and children in need. Please pray for me as God develops and prepares me for His purpose and His mission.

Now that's exciting!!

And here's the song I was talking about.

"The Child Catchers"

2010-03-29T16:34:00.000-04:00

Stories like this break my heart...."The Child Catchers". The street children in South Africa are called "debris". They're raped and abused. The Durban Police are collecting them and dumping them outside of the city in an effort to clean up the streets before the World Cup. This is outrageous!! I think about what Jesus said in Matthew 18:1-8 (The Message):

At about the same time, the disciples came to Jesus asking, "Who gets the highest rank in God's kingdom?"

For an answer Jesus called over a child, whom he stood in the middle of the room, and said, "I'm telling you, once and for all, that unless you return to square one and start over like children, you're not even going to get a look at the kingdom, let alone get in. Whoever becomes simple and elemental again, like this child, will rank high in God's kingdom. What's more, when you receive the childlike on my account, it's the same as receiving me. "But if you give them a hard time, bullying or taking advantage of their simple trust, you'll soon wish you hadn't. You'd be better off dropped in the middle of the lake with a millstone around your neck. Doom to the world for giving these God-believing children a hard time! Hard times are inevitable, but you don't have to make it worse—and it's doomsday to you if you do.

"If your hand or your foot gets in the way of God, chop it off and throw it away. You're better off maimed or lame and alive than the proud owners of two hands and two feet, godless in a furnace of eternal fire. And if your eye distracts you from God, pull it out and throw it away. You're better off one-eyed and alive than exercising your twenty-twenty vision from inside the fire of hell. (emphasis mine)

Jesus was B.A.!!

At Any Cost

2010-03-27T16:54:00.000-04:00

As a parent, I am proud of my children's accomplishments and of them making the right choices. I think I feel like my identity is somehow intertwined in them. I think most Mom's feel that way. I watch them grow, and the time goes by so fast. When they were young, I looked forward to each stage as they got older and grew bigger. But somewhere around the ninth grade, I realize that I only have a few years left with them. A few years to instill in them the important things in life, to develop their character, to send them out into the big, big world. One day, you realize that your job as a parent has changed, and you have to take on a different role...one of letting go and clinging to the promise that God is in control. I've heard it said that being a Mom is like watching your heart walk around outside of your body, and that is so true. My oldest daughter, Jessi, has talked about being a Missionary since she was in 9th grade, and now she' is getting ready to do exactly what she feels God has called her to do.

Here's a note she wrote on Facebook:

At any cost for You my King...

So I was ready. I was ready to devote myself to four years worth of International Ministry Education at the Moody Bible Institute of Chicago. Yeah, I want to be a full time missionary but felt like school was the better option at the time. I put mission work on my to do list and pushed on with school. I felt like getting an education was going to get me on the mission field. I had so many things happen in that time period that made me want to run and to just let myself be consumed by anything other than God's plan for me. What I wanted or thought was good for me was the total opposite of what God wanted for me.

God put a smacking halt on my plans and reminded me that He is bigger then college. He put amazing people in my life who have only confirmed that God's calling me to bigger things and bigger places. Especially a friend who looked me dead in the eyes and said you are called to be a missionary, and you can't learn that in a classroom, you need to go out into the field. HELLO confirmation! And by bigger I mean continents bigger (=

I was sitting in my friend's car the other day and just praising God because He is the one who has it all figured out. All I have to do is just listen and no matter what He is going to take care of me. I haven't been in that place in such a long time. I haven't lost control of my life in a really long time because I always felt like I could let God be God later...but right in that moment I had to be in control of my life. I was so wrong, because being out of control and letting God be in control has led me to South Africa. He has shown me that my passion is for the least of these...and I will get to college eventually but right now my heart belongs in the Mission Field.

There is a fire in my bones uncontainable and it's causing me to burn, causing me to burn for you...

To my Mom, Jackie, Nate, Cierra, Marc, and Anna...thank you. I love you, God has used you for so much in my life the last few months and you are truly a blessing

You can follow Jessi, Marc, Cierra and Nate at "South Africa Support" on Facebook

She Speaks ~ Proverbs 31

2010-03-25T22:05:00.000-04:00

There is a writers conference called "She Speaks". My friend Lisa went to it a few years ago and can't stop talking about it! So I'm entering a contest, "The She Speaks Scholarship Contest", in hopes of winning! The conference is July 30-August 1, 2010 in Concord, NC. I would love to attend it, to become a better writer, a better speaker, to chase my dream of completing my book "Their Stories"... and, well, here's a story about it...

A good woman is hard to find,

and worth far more than diamonds.

Her husband trusts her without reserve,

and never has reason to regret it.

Never spiteful, she treats him generously

all her life long.

She shops around for the best yarns and cottons,

and enjoys knitting and sewing.

She's like a trading ship that sails to faraway places

and brings back exotic surprises.

She's up before dawn, preparing breakfast

for her family and organizing her day.

She looks over a field and buys it,

then, with money she's put aside, plants a garden.

First thing in the morning, she dresses for work,

rolls up her sleeves, eager to get started.

She senses the worth of her work,

is in no hurry to call it quits for the day.

She's skilled in the crafts of home and hearth,

diligent in homemaking.

She's quick to assist anyone in need,

reaches out to help the poor.

She doesn't worry about her family when it snows;

their winter clothes are all mended and ready to wear.

She makes her own clothing,

and dresses in colorful linens and silks.

Her husband is greatly respected

when he deliberates with the city fathers.

She designs gowns and sells them,

brings the sweaters she knits to the dress shops.

Her clothes are well-made and elegant,

and she always faces tomorrow with a smile.

When she speaks she has something worthwhile to say,

and she always says it kindly.

She keeps an eye on everyone in her household,

and keeps them all busy and productive.

Her children respect and bless her;

her husband joins in with words of praise:

"Many women have done wonderful things,

but you've outclassed them all!"

Charm can mislead and beauty soon fades.

The woman to be admired and praised

is the woman who lives in the Fear-of-God.

Give her everything she deserves!

Festoon her life with praises!

Proverbs 31:10-31

About 10 years ago, a friend introduced me to this story in Proverbs. A story about the "perfect women", a "10" , something to strive for... and the bar is set high! It makes me think about an article I once read that broke down the jobs of a "house wife":

cleaner. cook. waitress. washer. nurse. taxi. banker. psychiatrist. hair dresser. dog. walker. personal shopper. teacher. accountant. lawyer......well, you get the picture.

For a long time, I thought this was an impossible task. But as I look back over God's word, I realize that through Him, all things are possible! And maybe it's not a checklist that God has given me.

Over the past several years,

God has refined me.

Through a series of choices that lead me to where I am now,

God has refined me.

When I had given up on myself,

God never gave up.

He picked me up, and showed me the way.

At the bottom of my brokenness,

He used me to reach others.

He used my story,

as an artist, as a nurse, as a mother, as a friend.

We all have a story to tell, the story of our lives, our circumstances, our successes, our failures,

what made us the person we are today.

God wants to use those stories.

The Proverbs 31 women is in me.

She's in all of us.

She is the person God wants to use.

He wants to use her story, for His glory.

As many of you know, I have wanted to write about the stories of these women. What made them the women they are today, the women God wants them to be. I'm so excited about the possibility of attending "She Speaks"!!! Stay tuned to see what happens next.........

Injustice

2010-03-18T14:57:00.000-04:00

As a Nurse and advocate for human beings, I gotta say this story made me cry, get mad and want to DO something about situations like this. It's a helpless feeling though when the Government of this country is doing this to their own people... please read this... there are ways that we can help.....
"Injustice"

Why We Do What We Do

2010-03-16T09:45:00.000-04:00

My friend Anne Merry posted this video on her Facebook wall.... saying "To my NICU friends...the reason why we do what we do. To my friends and family...this is what we do." and I just want to say "Thanks Anne!"

Soak This In........

2010-03-15T08:21:00.000-04:00

From "God Calling" by A.J. Russell

March 15
Your Cross Is You

Remember, you are only an instrument. Not yours to decide how or when or where you act. I plan all that. Make yourself very fit to do My work. All that hinders your activity must be cured.

Mine is the Cross on which the burdens of the world are laid. How foolish is any one of My disciples who seeks to bear his own burdens, when there is only one place for them- My Cross.

It is like a weary man on a hot and dusty road, bearing a heavy load, when all plans have been made for its carriage. The road, the scenery, flowers, beauty around--all are lost.

But, My children, you may think I did say, "Take up your cross daily, and follow Me."

Yes, but the cross given to each one of you is only a cross provided on which you can crucify the self of yours that hinders progress and Joy, and prevents the flow through your being of My invigorating Life and Spirit.

Listen to Me, love Me, joy in Me. Rejoice.

Home

2010-03-14T18:08:00.000-04:00

Got to thinking about something this morning..... I feel like I've gone home when I go to church. I have felt this feeling for a while. I think I first felt this feeling when I started helping out at PCC (Powhatan Community Church).

I was invited to a Production Meeting by my friend Beth, at 7am one Tuesday morning at The County Seat (that's a local restaurant near my house). I got there not expecting to see so many people. All of these people dedicated to what God is doing through PCC. That first week I sat and listened, tried to take it all in, tried to understand what was going on, and how I could possibly fit into the madness. You see, when you get about 15 or so creative people together with multiple cups of coffee each, you get madness...in a crazy kind of way! Imagine an idea being shouted out, and then someone would add something else to it, and the ball would get rolling until it was......SQUASHED! Then we were back to where we started. But this creative table is a safe one, no idea is a bad idea, so it really opens up the door for a lot of creative brainstorming. And by the end of our hour and a half together, we have planned our service.

So, I found my place, I accidently fell into the "Set Design" leadership roll. It happen without me even knowing it. I had an idea about some rocks for a service and the next thing I know I was making these rocks and showing up on Sunday to set them up.

That was the beginning of rapid growth, molding, chiseling, refining and change for me.

That Sunday changed me. I had sat in those seats in the auditorium for 3 years or so, I had laughed and cried and re-discovered what it meant to really worship a loving God. It was all good, but I was unsettled, and I felt the nudge...

God was saying "Go on, it's ok, this time won't be like last time. This time you're actually to the end of yourself my precious child. This time your doing it for ME. Listen to what I say, I've got you, you don't have to worry about this"

That Sunday was the beginning of "home" for me. I feel like I am at home when I go to church. And when I say church I don't mean the building, I mean the people in it. The people I serve next to, the people I worship with, and the God I serve.

So, this first Sunday in our new building was so special to me. As I stood there on stage looking around, I realized this was one step closer to my real home. And as I raised my hands and my voice with my brothers and sisters, I realized that this is what heaven is gonna be like, and these are the people I get to spend eternity with, singing and worshiping God, everyday!! WOW!! No wonder it feels like home!

Powhatan Community Church...... what you do MATTERS!

Skunk Fail

2010-03-08T08:06:00.000-05:00

So my dog, Jake, is 14 years old....which is 98 in human years ;)

He has a hard time hearing and seeing, and tends to do what we in the medical field call "sun downing". That's when the patients with Dementia and Alzheimer's tend to wander around anxiously after the sun goes down. Well, Jake tends to sundown most nights somewhere between 1130pm and 1am. So, I had just dosed off about 1130pm and he starts.... as usual, I got up and let him out. Maddie, his partner in crime, went with him. Next thing you know, they are at the back door wanting to come in. I'm thinking "yeah, I don't have to sleep on
the couch for the next hour waiting for them to come back in".

Oh, in case you didn't know (but probably do since the 2 people that read my blog actually know me fairly well), we live on 10 acres, in the woods, in a rural area outside of Richmond, Virginia.

So, the dogs are at the back door, which is weird because I let them out the front door. I let them in and then this awful smell hits me! I thought at first my house was burning down from a chemical fire. It smelled like sulfur mixed with burning rubber and the smell of urine that was super concentrated and half dried up.....uuuccckkkk! I thought there must be some sort of chemical fire under the house... the previous owners left a meth lab there and the stuff ignited.... or my husband left the bonfire of twigs burning and now the cars were engulfed in flames.... but no, it was the dogs!!

Then it occurred to me, they had been skunked!!!! Where did the skunk come from, and is this some sort of sick joke? The smell permeated through the house, it was so bad that we had to sleep with the doors shut and blankets against the cracks to keep it out of the room. That was the worst smell I have ever smelt (is that a word?).

So my goal now is to de-skunk them with some concoction of peroxide, baking soda and dish detergent! Sounds like a chemistry experiment.... we'll see what happens.

That's Jake at the top , and that's Maddie in the blanket with Jessi, BEFORE the skunk fail.

Wild Flower

2010-03-05T11:28:00.000-05:00

"Has anyone by fussing in front of the mirror ever gotten taller by so much as an inch? All this time and money wasted on fashion—do you think it makes that much difference? Instead of looking at the fashions, walk out into the fields and look at the wildflowers. They never primp or shop, but have you ever seen color and design quite like it?

The ten best-dressed men and women in the country look shabby alongside them. If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don't you think he'll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I'm trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God's giving. People who don't know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don't worry about missing out. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met. Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes."

Matthew 5:27-34

Compartmentalizing

2010-03-01T10:18:00.000-05:00

God is not someone I schedule into my life....

"Ok, God, here's my schedule for the week, this is when I have time for you and I really need you to show up:

Monday: I can fit you in before I get the kids ready for school, but only for about 10 minutes. I need you to show up for small group at my house that evening around 7pm too.

Tuesday: My 7am meeting for church counts as my quite time. And if we sit down for a family dinner tonight, we'll say a quick prayer to you before we eat. Thanks for coming :)

Wednesday: I'm hoping to read another chapter in my book (it's about You ;) )

Thursday: I'll be praying in the car this morning and listening to the local Christian radio station. Oh, yeah and it would be great for you to show up at soccer tonight, Alec really needs to do well in his game.

Friday: Should have time this morning for you, if I don't oversleep, again. And yeah, I'll probably be giving you a shout out later in the afternoon to just get me through the rest of the day. It's been an exhausting week! And well, you know I work all weekend, so I'll see you on Monday. "

Does that sound familiar? We might not verbalize it, but that's how it goes.

I think we ALL need a schedule make-over!!! I know I do!

The most profound weapon of the enemy is our time. We live in such a fast paced, technology driven, ADD world. And unfortunately, we are forced into some of the schedules just by way of survival.

The answer: I'm open to suggestions........

But here's something to think about.......

Luke 9:57-62 (The Message)
⁵⁷On the road someone asked if he could go along. "I'll go with you, wherever," he said.

⁵⁸Jesus was curt: "Are you ready to rough it? We're not staying in the best inns, you know."

Jesus said to another, "Follow me."

⁵⁹He said, "Certainly, but first excuse me for a couple of days, please. I have to make arrangements for my father's funeral."

⁶⁰Jesus refused. "First things first. Your business is life, not death. And life is urgent: Announce God's kingdom!"

⁶¹Then another said, "I'm ready to follow you, Master, but first excuse me while I get things straightened out at home."

⁶²Jesus said, "No procrastination. No backward looks. You can't put God's kingdom off till tomorrow. Seize the day."

Being a Nurse

2010-02-25T08:17:00.000-05:00

What God has shown me through being a Nurse:

1) It's not about me. Most nurses put their patient's needs above their own. We don't get lunch hours or bathroom breaks. We don't get to sit down for our "2, fifteen minute breaks" that our employers give us, or leave the building, or go outside for a walk. If something happens when you are trying to eat lunch, go to the bathroom, or just sit down for 2 minutes.... you are expected to run. There is a huge responsibility that goes along with our role as a Nurse.

2) There are so many hurting people in this world. The people that Nurses come in contact with each day, are hurting.. both physically and emotionally. Hospitalization is traumatic... even in a good situation like having a baby. So many people come in to the hospital already hurting from situations and circumstances in their personal lives. Compound those problems with the trauma of being hospitalized and you get people that are hurting.

3) Compassion is the number one motivator for Love. Yes, we get burned out. Yes, we get negative. Yes, we complain at times. Yes, we wonder why we do what we do , but the bottom line is... when it all hits the fan, Nurses feel deeply for the people we take care of. We cry, we hurt, we fight for justice, we love our patients. Love is at the heart of what every Nurse does. Show me a Nurse without love and I'll show you a Nurse who needs to find another profession.

4) Our ministry is what we do. For a long time, I felt that I needed to start some ministry for God. My job as a nurse was just a job, a way to make money. I used to say "How can I make the most amount of money in the least amount of time, so I can go do things for God? ", and being a Nurse allowed me to do that. What I failed to realize was that being a Nurse WAS doing something for God. My ministry is in my work and in the person God made me to be.

My mission field is everywhere around me. I have stopped compartmentalizing God.
When I touch my patient, I touch them with the hand of God.
When I speak to my patient, I speak with the voice of God.
When I help my co-worker, I show them the love of God.
You get the picture....
He's in everything I do.

Artist

2010-02-25T07:10:00.000-05:00

charming

artist

beautiful voice

painting that picture

pretty girl

you see things different

strumming your guitar

talented boy

in your element

so smooth

got it all together

writing your heart out

the words keep coming

can't stop the poetry

has to get out

messy on the inside

random disaster

in your art

you are complete

2010-02-22T13:46:00.000-05:00

Over the last month, God has really shown me a lot about myself. I have always felt that I am on a journey, and over the past several years, I have realized that this journey is not about getting to a destination, but that life IS a journey. And God is most concerned about what we do on our journey.

Let me clarify.. God is most concerned about what we do... life is just not about me, and about me having the most fun, secure, comfortable time on my journey.. it's not about creating the most fun, secure, and comfortable environment for my kids either. God is most concerned about my character.

Character: the aggregate of feature and traits that form the individual nature of some person or thing.

God is most concerned about my character.

My journey is about developing my character.

AND,

my character is developed through the trials and challenges that I experience along my journey. You see, God gave each of us passions and gifts.

Our passions are what drives us, and our gifts are what equip us.

They equip us to do the work God has planned for us along our journey. Each step we take, he is refining us to do greater things for him. And the coolest part of it is that God gave each of us a unique set of gifts!!

What are you passionate about? What brings tears to your eyes? What brings joy to your heart?

Look there , that's where you'll find your gifts.

Oh, so what has God really shown me about myself lately, and why is God so concerned about what we do? Well, stay tuned, that will be another post.

Bump In The Road

2010-02-19T08:14:00.000-05:00

Just when you think things are under control, there's another bump in the road. I guess that's just the way life is. Life is not always good, and not always stable. The stability comes from staying focused on God, no matter what the circumstances. He is so much bigger than all of your issues....

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7

It doesn't matter what it is,
even if you got yourself into the situation you're in,
even if you did something bad or hurtful to others,
even if it is something that is out of your control,
because someone hurt you,
or something bad happened that you didn't ask for,

something that is so unfair..... it doesn't matter..... just go to Him..... sit at His feet.... tell Him...

"God, take this anxiety from me....(tell him your situation, tell him you're sorry, tell him your angry, how life is unfair). God I know you say to give all of my worries to you, and I am doing that, thank you for caring for me. Amen."

Then, just sit, and listen.....

My Re-occuring Dream

2010-02-16T14:13:00.000-05:00

I've had a few dreams in my life that have repeated themselves. When I was young, I used to dream that I was flying in my Nanny's car.She had a Turquoise Ford Falcon, and I remember riding in the back seat. I used to sit on the hump, yeah, we didn't wear seat belts back then. Nanny had cut the seat belts out of her car because they bothered her.

In my dream, we would fly down the street like a space saucer that George Jetson drove. I remember the big oak trees that lined the street she lived on... on Marianna Drive.

From the time I was a young adult, I have had another sort of re-occurring dream about flying. This one is always at the beach. I'm in a car, and the beach is always different
Sometimes, there are huge waves.
Sometimes, the water is calm.
Sometimes, there are cliffs.
Sometimes, it's like the bay, very shallow.
Other times, the water can't be seen, even though it's there far off in the distance.
I only drive by, I never stop to play, I am always looking for something or someone.... it's a very unsettled feeling that I have in my dream. I want to go in the water, and enjoy the sunshine, but I can't stop looking for what is lost....

As I was reading my old journal from several years ago, I found the beginning of a poem that I had started to write.... "The Places in My Dreams"

At my house by the sea,
there you sit on the beach,
waiting for me to come......

D.O.G.

2010-02-16T13:43:00.000-05:00

Laying around, relaxing, running and having fun.
They say life is hard, but not for you.
You're carefree and easy, not a worry in your head.
You just want to be close, you're loyal and true.
You never lie and you listen with great intent.
You love me no matter what I do.
You're always by my side, protecting me, loving me.
You're a safe place to be. I find comfort with you.

2001 ~ Me

Difficult Times

2010-02-05T07:58:00.000-05:00

Over the past several months, I have struggled through one of the most difficult times in my life. This time has challenged me as a wife, mother, and most importantly a child of God. When times are hard, when you question choices you made, when you truly exam your heart, when you are 100% open to God.... that's where the healing can start to take place.... no matter what the circumstances.

On Thursday, a wise friend told me, "God is not haphazard. His plans are always perfect. I promise you that if you surrender all of this to the Lord, follow His leading, and don't let anyone or anything distract you from your relationship with Him, everything else will fall into place."

That day started today, I opened my Bible, and read Proverbs 3. And heard God speaking every word to me......

Trusting in the Lord

My child, never forget the things I have taught you.

Store my commands in your heart.
² If you do this, you will live many years,
and your life will be satisfying.
³ Never let loyalty and kindness leave you!
Tie them around your neck as a reminder.
Write them deep within your heart.
⁴ Then you will find favor with both God and people,
and you will earn a good reputation.

⁵ Trust in the Lord with all your heart;
do not depend on your own understanding.
⁶ Seek his will in all you do,
and he will show you which path to take.

⁷ Don’t be impressed with your own wisdom.
Instead, fear the Lord and turn away from evil.
⁸ Then you will have healing for your body
and strength for your bones.

⁹ Honor the Lord with your wealth
and with the best part of everything you produce.
¹⁰ Then he will fill your barns with grain,
and your vats will overflow with good wine.

¹¹ My child, don’t reject the Lord’s discipline,
and don’t be upset when he corrects you.
¹² For the Lord corrects those he loves,
just as a father corrects a child in whom he delights.

¹³ Joyful is the person who finds wisdom,
the one who gains understanding.
¹⁴ For wisdom is more profitable than silver,
and her wages are better than gold.
¹⁵ Wisdom is more precious than rubies;
nothing you desire can compare with her.
¹⁶ She offers you long life in her right hand,
and riches and honor in her left.
¹⁷ She will guide you down delightful paths;
all her ways are satisfying.
¹⁸ Wisdom is a tree of life to those who embrace her;
happy are those who hold her tightly.

¹⁹ By wisdom the Lord founded the earth;
by understanding he created the heavens.
²⁰ By his knowledge the deep fountains of the earth burst forth,
and the dew settles beneath the night sky.

²¹ My child, don’t lose sight of common sense and discernment.
Hang on to them,
²² for they will refresh your soul.
They are like jewels on a necklace.
²³ They keep you safe on your way,
and your feet will not stumble.
²⁴ You can go to bed without fear;
you will lie down and sleep soundly.
²⁵ You need not be afraid of sudden disaster
or the destruction that comes upon the wicked,
²⁶ for the Lord is your security.
He will keep your foot from being caught in a trap.

²⁷ Do not withhold good from those who deserve it
when it’s in your power to help them.
²⁸ If you can help your neighbor now, don’t say,
“Come back tomorrow, and then I’ll help you.”

²⁹ Don’t plot harm against your neighbor,
for those who live nearby trust you.
³⁰ Don’t pick a fight without reason,
when no one has done you harm.

³¹ Don’t envy violent people
or copy their ways.
³² Such wicked people are detestable to the Lord,
but he offers his friendship to the godly.

³³ The Lord curses the house of the wicked,
but he blesses the home of the upright.

³⁴ The Lord mocks the mockers
but is gracious to the humble.

³⁵ The wise inherit honor,
but fools are put to shame!

Safety or Risky

2010-02-01T20:29:00.000-05:00

Gotta watch this.....

Don Miller's blog....

Are you a risk taker??? Or do you live it safe?

Tell me about your risks....

I'd love to hear...

Ignorant Bliss

2010-01-26T11:47:00.000-05:00

I often wonder lately why I can't just live in what I call "ignorant bliss". Or maybe it's called denial, but denial means that you're aware of something, but choose not to face it. Ignorant bliss is more of the "what you don't know can't hurt you" mind set.

As I look around at people, I realize that most of us have some sort of dysfunction in our lives. And most of the people I observe are able to just go on living in it without even acknowledging that they have issues. I wish I could put on the denial lenses and get on with my life. But if I do that, I am only living partially up to my potential, and well, dysfunction is exhausting! I've tried that route before, and when the scales are tilted and unbalanced, it can be exhausting for the person carrying the heavier load. It comes down to each individual taking responsibility for themselves, and expecting it from each other.

That's what grown ups do..... "A mature, complete adult not only takes responsibility for himself, but also requires the same from the people he loves" ~Henry Cloud.

It can be painful to hear the truth from someone you love. It can be painful to hold the person you love accountable. At times it's not easy to take responsibility for ourselves, and sometimes it's even harder to set the limits needed to help someone we love take responsibility for themselves.

Growth is never without some pain.

Wounds from a sincere friend
are better than many kisses from an enemy. Proverbs 27:6

Change

2010-01-25T09:59:00.000-05:00

Just a thought.....

So many people make resolutions to change at the beginning of the year and as the earth warms up and the promise of spring is seen in small glimpses on warm January days. But what we fail to ask ourselves is why are we changing?

The true litmus test of change is this.... are you changing for yourself or for other people?

"If your wife and kids were no longer in your life, would you go back to using drugs?"

"If your boyfriend breaks up with you, do you keep going to counseling?"

"If your wife divorces you anyway, do you click back on that porn site?"

"If your.....(you fill in the blank)."

Yes, accountability is good, and sometimes it takes circumstances brought on by events in our lives to get us moving.

But when the dust settles, what do you do?

Are you really trying to be more like Jesus, or are you just saving face,
appeasing the world and those around you?

Reality

2010-01-22T08:17:00.000-05:00

Last night I sat down to relax for a little while before going to bed. My definition of relax is probably a little different than yours since I typically "relax" in the midst of a chaotic household of 6 people.

Last night was different, just me and the 2 year old, watching TV, and he wasn't watching, just me. He was totally engrossed in my laptop which was on the "Thomas and Friends" website... "Watch Thomas on puter Momma?" he asked me.

I ended up watching "The Real Housewives of Orange County" (not Orange County, Virginia!). I got to thinking about TV these days, all of the reality shows. How did we get to this place? We thrive on other peoples real life drama. We're watching these people to see how they handle life's dramas. I know some of you are saying that it's entertaining to watch, and you're not getting pointers on life. I used to think that too:

I watched "Tori and Dean" because I like her and we had babies together.
I watched the "Girls Next Door" because I think deep down inside Heff is just a big teddy bear with very twisted values that have been skewed by his wealth.
I watched "Family Jewels" because I felt sorry for Shannon and I liked Gene's sarcasm.
I watched "Jon and Kate Plus 8" because I'm a mom and a nurse, and I liked Kate, most of the time.
I watched "Keeping Up With the Kardashians" because Kim has a big butt and so do I, and if she's beautiful, well..... you get the picture.
"18 Kids and Counting" the only reality people that actually appear to have good values, they claim to be Christ followers. But once again, they add the "Freak" factor to what it means to be a Christ follower (I don't like the label "Christian").
"Cake Boss", now that show is reality, if you were raised in a big Italian Family (and I was)!

I could go on and on. I'd like to be in a reality show myself....

"The Real Housewives of Powhatan, Virginia" or
"No One Lives Next Door" or
"Me Plus 5 Dependents" (Oops, I just heard the little voice of Alec in my head saying "Mom, I thought we don't do sarcasm anymore?").

As I watched last night, I saw things in a different light. I put on my God Glasses. I felt sorry for them. For the first time I could see clearly how short sighted they are, so focused on the here and now, so hopeless. It made me feel a little nauseous, in a nervous scared kind of way. I saw them searching for something, expecting their money or husband or boyfriend of the week to provide that. And when this human being or worldly object couldn't come through, there was tragedy. It sounds like a movie, and in the end they get what they want and live happily ever after! But this is real life........

How many of us live our lives expecting, praying , hoping, wishing for someone to come along and take the pain away, or a large sum of money to alleviate all of the problems??
"Why can't my wife love me more?"
"Why can't my husband make more money?"
"She's not affectionate, she doesn't care."
"He doesn't want to spend time with me, he doesn't care."
"If we only had more money, it would be ok."
"Why does bad stuff always happen to me?"
"It's all your fault!"

When I put on my God Glasses, I see what He must see. We flounder, grasping at what ever we can to make the bad stuff go away. God doesn't want that.............

"It's gonna be ok, my beloved child. Grab hold of me. I'm right here. I know it hurts, things are bad for you right now, but we're gonna get through this. I have plans for you... if you trust me. Trust me. Stop looking at them, stop comparing me to them. I'm not like them. Let me love you. Why are you running from me? I'm not the enemy, my child, it's not me. He wants you to think it is. You don't need to prove yourself to me, you don't have to earn my love, you don't have to be worthy of my love. I don't care about what you did in the past. Let it go. I have never rejected you, I was there, even when the bad stuff happened. It's ok, it doesn't change my love for you. I knew you before you were conceived, and I have had a plan for you since the beginning of time. Stop trying to figure out what's gonna happen, let it go and hold on to me. I promise, you won't be sorry. I am for you, my child, my love. "

43 Years Ago

2010-01-15T08:02:00.000-05:00

It's my Birthday. What is it about birthdays that make you ponder life. I woke up, like any other morning, basically crawling to the coffee maker (I have a Keurig one cup coffee maker). I was wondering, like every morning, why I am the only one in the world who has to get up before the sun rises to either get kids off to school or go to work.

Made my first cup, turned to get milk from the fridge, and saw the flowers my husband had left on the counter. Something clicked in my brain, "Oh yeah, it's my birthday". I don't feel like I just turned 32 today (that's if 29 is 40). I think I should do something different this year. I never make New Year's resolutions, I think they're stupid. They always focus on what we shouldn't do, or a list of 20 things that I need to do to be happy in addition to the 20 million things I already do.

So, as I was driving the kids to school, after we saw Officer Jackson hiding with his radar on and Samantha said "Mom, how many tickets has he given you anyway?", I started to think about the next year of my life. And it's only 2 tickets.... from him. I'm not a fast driver, I'm just ADD, and my mind tends to wander when I'm driving and before I know it, I'm going 75 in a 55!

I made a decision that 2010 is going to be different! This is the year of "doing",the year of "more God, less me", the year of "rise above the BS", the year of "no more wasted potential", the year of "strengthening my friends". No, I'm not starting a ministry or small group. I'm not teaching a class about it. I'm going to live it, one day at a time.

I believe creative people have interesting backgrounds, kind of like nurses. I think that your past directly influences your creativity. I think that if creative people fully understood the gifts that God gave us, we would have less wasted potential. But creativity threatens the enemy, and so many creative types are under the influence of oppression and don't even no it! Because we are tortured by our past, or are caught up in the crap of a bad relationship, or are overwhelmed because we over commit ourselves, even when we are doing it for good reasons! We make bad choices that consume us. It's all a distraction from the life God wants us to live. See, God made us for HIM, for HIS purposes, he gifted us with unique talents and personalities so HE could use them through us. God's not meant to fit into MY schedule somewhere, when I have time, when I'm not consumed by arguing with my husband and yelling at my children, or gossiping at work and feeling important because I'm involved in a multitude of activities at church. Those are all the distractions of the enemy, when I become so consumed with them that God has to take a ticket to stand in line... "Number 38, I'll take you over here Sir"

It's a small shift in thinking. God made me, for him. On my birthday in 1967, he rejoiced when I was born, he already knew that I would be sitting here today writing this story. Hopefully provoking people to exam themselves and ask him for guidance, looking at things a little differently, or calling me out because you disagree.

All because I was born 43 years ago.

Their Story

2010-01-09T19:56:00.000-05:00

Ok, I am sometimes frightened by the way ideas come to my mind. I feel like I'm always tuned in to what's about to happen. I might listen to a song, and then that Sunday, we will sing it at church. I often know who's calling before I look at the phone, and occasionally know it's going to ring before it does. I'm weird, I know.

I spent the better part of December out of touch with my usual reading of books and blogs and keeping up with what's going on. I like to take a break during December to really look back on the year and then focus on what I can do different in the coming year, how I can tweak, simplify, refine, improve or do away with.

Although much of the month was consumed by emotional stress and the backlash of poor choices, both mine and someone else's, I decided to start writing my book. I have clear direction. It came to me as I was talking to a friend at work several weeks ago. I know her mom died of breast cancer when she was young, but one day when it was slow at work, she shared her story with me. Her story made me cry and her story made me see the vulnerable, hurting little girl that is still inside of her. I saw her through God's eyes, and how sad he must be when we hurt. And then I thought about the way God made her, her bubbly personality, her boldness, her compassion for others, all of the things that make her a nurse. And I feel that for some reason she was compelled to tell me her story. It made me think of other nurses and their stories. And why God made us nurses... it's not just a job choice, to be a nurse, it's a compelling passion that you can't deny.

I always know people who are compassionate and merciful by whether or not they cry when someone else cries. People who are able to deeply feel what others are feeling, are more than compassionate, they are empathetic. Nurses are like that.

On the flip side, nurses can also be too compassionate, caring too much, taking on too much, taking too much responsibility for other peoples feelings. The place where are stories come from, our past, has made us who we are today.

So my book is about nurses (and maybe others), it's about "Their Stories............."

Oh, yeah, so back to my weirdness... or what I call confirmation. At the leadership training I attended today, there was talk, not just once, but twice, about people telling their stories....hmmmmm.

Thankful?? That's an understatment!

2009-11-25T07:29:00.000-05:00

I am so thankful for everything that I have and everyone who cares for me and loves me. It wasn't until this morning that I realized how much I do have. I think I have felt this in the past, you know that guilt of having too much. If you are on Facebook, you have seen my status say things like "I'm cleaning out, and giving everything away!!!" or "I can't stand the clutter, everything has to go!!!". I even started a group on Facebook called the "Recycle Flee Market". I thought that would be a great place for people to post things that they wanted to sell or get rid of, or exchange things, or buy things.... like Craigslist.

So I have been cleaning out and piling up the stuff that we don't need. It's all on my screened in porch, which measures 20' x 10', which is filled with stuff and you can barely walk out there. The sad thing is, the "Recycle Flee Market" hasn't worked like I thought it would, and I've mentioned it to some friends, but the stuff is still sitting there... on my porch.

I woke up this morning and realized that the stuff out there is a sore reminder of all the things I have. It actually sickens me to see the stuff. What a waste! Here I have all this crap that I don't need (nor want), and it sits there... on my porch!

And what's even sadder and more sickening is that I don't know anyone who needs anything! Wow, isn't that crazy???

Yesterday I talked about love. When Jesus was asked which of the commands in God's law was most important, his response was "You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: Love your neighbor as yourself. The entire law and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments.”" (Matthew 22:37-40).

I really like how "The Message" says it:

Jesus said, "'Love the Lord your God with all your passion and prayer and intelligence.' This is the most important, the first on any list. But there is a second to set alongside it: 'Love others as well as you love yourself.' These two commands are pegs; everything in God's Law and the Prophets hangs from them."

"Love others as well as you love yourself"

So, how does a girl do that? I want to give things away, I want to give more of what I earn, more of my time to help people in need, but I don't know anyone who needs anything. And I just let things sit there! And believe me when I say, I am struggling with this. I feel paralyzed. I've thought about getting in my car and driving around Powhatan looking for "people in need". I'm sure my church knows "people in need", and other churches in the area know of "people in need". My big question to churches is: Why is everything so secretive? I know that things have to be done in discretion at times, not everyone wants everyone to know they need stuff. Or maybe I should be embarrassed that I have been blind to the needs of my community, and there is all kinds of stuff happening that I am clueless to. Well, please let me know if that's the case, I want to be part of something like that.

But for now, here I sit with my stuff, my money, my time. Asking myself these questions " How am I loving others like I love myself? Is where I live or the things I acquire loving others and in loving others, loving my God? Is what I say and what I do loving others?"

Tough questions, aren't they?

What is love?

2009-11-24T09:42:00.000-05:00

If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing. If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it; but if I didn’t love others, I would have gained nothing. Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.
1 Corinthians 13:1-7

I've come to realize that love is the most important thing. Those of us who know the bible, know that Jesus said to love one another, and that the most important thing, in addition to loving God, is to love each other. I think if we asked most people, they would say "Yes, I do that, I love people like God says to." But what did Jesus really mean when he said that? And why is love so important? It seems like a natural thing... to love.

So , try this....

Put your name where the word "love" is in this passage from 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7. Here's what it looks like for me......

Angie is patient and kind. Angie is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. Angie does not demand her own way. Angie is not irritable, and she keeps no record of being wronged. Angie does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Angie never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

That's hard to read. Because it doesn't seem genuine. Because I'm not those things. Because the people in my life that are hard to love irritate me, and I do have a long list of the things they have done to me. And I often give up on them, and lose faith and throw my hands in the air and say "I'm DONE!". But that's not love.

Big light bulb for me. I have wrestled with this verse since I was about 20 years old and heard it read at a wedding. It has become a cliche for many people. "Love is patient and kind, blah, blah, blah." What an insult that is to God! I am sickened by the casual way we use this scripture. I am embarrassed that I have used this verse in careless ways myself.

My challenge is to live this verse out in my life. I challenge you to do the same... starting now.

Luke Warm keeps us from Crazy Love

2009-11-23T11:27:00.000-05:00

"Has your relationship with God actually changed the way you live? Do you see evidence of God's kingdom in your life? Or are you choking it out slowly by spending too much time, energy, money, and thought on the things of this world?

Lukewarm people:
Don't want to be saved from their sin; they want only to be saved from the penalty of their sin....

Lukewarm People:
Love others but do not seek to love others as much as they love themselves. Their love of others is typically focused on those who love them in return.......

Lukewarm people:
Will serve God and others, but there are limits to how far they will go or how much time, money, and energy they are willing to give.

Lukewarm people:
Think about life on earth much more than eternity in heaven. Daily life is mostly focused on today's to-do list, this week's schedule, and next month's vacation.....

Lukewarm people:
Do not live by faith; their lives are structured so they never have to. They don't have to trust God if something unexpected happens--they have their savings account--their retirement plan in place--they have life figured and mapped out."

Francis Chan, excerpt from "Crazy Love"

I'm currently reading the book "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan. Someone mentioned the book to me a couple of weeks ago, then another person brought it up last week and then during a blog reading internet session, the book was mentioned not just once, but three times!!! So, that's what I call a sign from God saying "Helloooo, Angie, you need to read this!"

Are you living in the sweet spot?

2009-11-12T19:42:00.000-05:00

When I think of sweet spot , I think of a racket or a bat. You know that place, when you hit the ball and it just feels right. The ball goes exactly where you want it to go. Everything comes together: timing, skill and movement. You typically win the point, and if you don't, it gives you the mental boost you need for the next one. It keeps you going, and when it's over, it doesn't matter if you win or lose. You walk away feeling good, like you played your best, you gave it your all. That's what hitting the sweet spot does. It gives you confidence, it lets you know you did something right.

Could you point out on your bat or racket exactly where this so called "spot" is? I don't think I could. I know it when I feel it, so I keep trying to hit it every time. It's somewhat of a goal or a compulsion.

What's it like to live life in the sweet spot?
Is that a life fully devoted to living out God's purpose in you?

When you let God use you,
not use you in the way you think he should use you,
not in the way your friends,
or your church,
or your Mom,
or your Dad,
thinks he should use you,
but really be open to how God wants to use you....

That's living in the sweet spot!

Letter to a Friend....

2009-11-11T07:41:00.000-05:00

So, a person I know has an addiction, many people have addictions. We can be addicted to drugs, alcohol, shopping, food, sex, money, etc., the list goes on and on. This is my letter to my friend...

Dear Friend,
I have some hard things to tell you. This might be painful at times, and seem unloving. I just can't sit here and watch you continue to ruin your life and the life of those around you. I know you have that pit in your stomach, the one that you feel when people bring up your addiction. And I'm sorry you feel that way. Maybe that feeling is a nudge from God. He really wants to help you, but you have to let him. Not on a surface level, not by telling people that you have been healed and then secretly continuing your addiction. You really have to let him help you if you want out.

What makes something an addiction? An inability to stop, an absolute helplessness. An addiction is something that is so much bigger than you, it becomes the number one focus of your life, you can't stop doing it. That is sin. Addiction is living as a slave to Satan, and your sinful flesh. The deception is in the fact that you are helpless to it, you can't free yourself, so you just give in to the addiction and give up. And in giving up, you continue to be a slave to your addiction, you don't want to change, you just don't want to get caught. You believe the lie.

That's exactly what Satan wants. He wants to ruin your life, your marriage, your kids, your health, he wants you in hell with him.

But there is a way out... and it's a hard road. But God is bigger than any horrible thing you can imagine. But you have to turn from your sin and trust in Jesus Christ. God sent him to save you from your sin. It is the only way that you can be released from your addiction. And you know who Jesus is, you claimed to have let him into your heart years ago. But sin and God can not dwell in the same heart. I urge you to ask for forgiveness and rededicate your life to God. Ask Jesus back into your heart so the Holy Spirit can indwell in you. It's the only way out.

Romans 6:6-14 says "We know that our old sinful selves were crucified with Christ so that sin might lose its power in our lives. We are no longer slaves to sin. For when we died with Christ we were set free from the power of sin. And since we died with Christ, we know we will also live with him. We are sure of this because Christ was raised from the dead, and he will never die again. Death no longer has any power over him. When he died, he died once to break the power of sin. But now that he lives, he lives for the glory of God. So you also should consider yourselves to be dead to the power of sin and alive to God through Christ Jesus.
Do not let sin control the way you live; do not give in to sinful desires. Do not let any part of your body become an instrument of evil to serve sin. Instead, give yourselves completely to God, for you were dead, but now you have new life. So use your whole body as an instrument to do what is right for the glory of God. Sin is no longer your master, for you no longer live under the requirements of the law. Instead, you live under the freedom of God’s grace."

I'm praying for you, my friend. I'm praying that you will consider these words carefully, and make a decision. I'm praying that God will surround you with loving friends to help you and hold you accountable so you can finally conquer your addiction.

In God's Love and Grace,
Angie

Something to Ponder..

2009-11-10T16:40:00.000-05:00

"Bedside Blessings" by Charles Swindoll is sitting on my nightstand. I sometimes read the devotion for the day before I go to sleep. So last night I open the book to November 9......

"The simple fact is this: If we sow a lifestyle that is in direct disobedience to God's revealed Word, we ultimately reap disaster.
The consequences of sin may not come immediately... but they will come eventually. And when they do, there will be no excuse, no rationalization, no accommodation. God doesn't compromise with consequences. When the bill comes due, the wages of willful sin must be paid in full.
'Shall we sin because we are not under law but under grace? May it never be! Romans 6:15'"

Well, that made for a good nights sleep.... NOT!

So does that mean if you make your bed, you have to lie in it? Even if you ask forgiveness? Do you just need to come to a place of peace with your circumstances? This is something that I am really struggling with. Maybe God keeps you in a place of uncomfortableness to help refine your character, not make your life miserable as a form of punishment. Or maybe this is just part of living in a fallen world.

Hmmmm.....

Scars and Tattoos

2009-11-09T13:45:00.000-05:00

I'm taking some time right now to really contemplate life and decisions made. As I look back over my life, I realize that for many years, I acted out of a self serving nature, a place of pain. Yes, I knew God then, I had given my life over to him when I was child, and re-dedicated my life to him many, many times. Yes, when I asked Jesus into my heart, I was "born again", made new, "a new creation in Christ". But, I have fallen off the wagon so, so many times.

For me, falling off the wagon is when I let the aching, empty, wounded part of my heart take control.

And yeah, we all have an empty, aching, wounded place in our heart. That's the place where the hurts gather, they start as fresh wounds, and then as they heal, they scar. God doesn't want to erase the hurts from our lives, that's why they stay there as scars. And then are tattoos, these are the good things, the ones that make our hearts happy and well over with joy. Scars and tattoos, they are both reminders of who we are and where we have been.

If I were to open up my heart and show you the scars, wounds, and tattoos, it would look like this.......
The good, the bad, the ugly, the beautiful, the various stages of healing......

So many times, I have lived my life out of the hurt. I have forgotten who my Healer is.

See the tattoos of my children? My marriage, my divorce? The sun? The rain? Not all of those things are hurt, some are joy.

See the wound that is stitched up in the center? My Healer did that, he stitched up the large slice in my heart that not having a father left behind, it used to hurt so bad, now it's just a little sore.

See the scar to the left? That's one of the scars that divorce left. That's pretty much healed, it hurts every now and then, mainly when I bump it.

See the black mess to the right? That's the place where I let my current situation get the best of me. I handed that one over this morning, my Healer's taking care of that one too.

Why A Tree???

2009-09-14T22:58:00.000-04:00

At Powhatan Community Church, we are always doing new and different things. A few Sundays ago we did a live painting on stage as part of the worship experience. It not something that many people have seen, using painting as a form of worship.

What does it mean to worship God through painting?

Think of it like you think of worshiping God through music. Whether on stage leading, or in your seat singing and clapping your hands, you are showing God your love and that pleases Him immensely! Worshiping God through visual arts is the same thing, whether on stage, to the side of the stage, in your seat, or in your own home, .... it's just an Artist bearing their heart to show God how much they love Him.

And really, anyone can worship Him this way. If you're passionate about creating.....try worship God through visual arts.... painting, sculpting, drawing, or any kind of visual expression. It's a very powerful way to worship our Creator.

So, why a tree??? Colossians 3:1-17
Listen to this:

Heart Full of Green

2009-09-11T14:04:00.001-04:00

I am not a liberal environmentalist.

I am concerned that we are not taking care of the resources (our environment) that God gave us, and our neglect is now coming back to bite us in the butt.

Everyone is on this whole "green" kick. I know some people think that the Treehuggers are somehow making a revival, and the liberal Democrats are gaining ground, and really who can afford to eat organic food anyway?? And does this mean that all need to start recycling and what exactly is sustainable living??

Let's look at how the average person can make a difference....
Buy Local. Support your local independently owned businesses. Check out the 3 / 50 Project. Did you know that "for every $100 spent in independently owned store, $68 returns to the community through taxes, payroll, and other expenditures. If you spend that in a national chain, only $43 stays here. Spend it on line and NOTHING comes home." the350project.net.

Now that makes you re-think things... hmmmm

Most of the time when I tell people that I buy local organic foods, I get this response "I'm poor, I can't afford to buy organic." I often ask, "Can you afford the long term affects of eating food that is bad for you?" Or "The cost to ship food here from half way around the world?"

Buying grass fed and free range. I know that's expensive too, how about buying from the local co-op? No one can afford that either.

My question is How can we afford NOT to??

So those grapes you bought at Walmart for $1.89/ lb. are way cheaper than the $2.50/lb. you pay at the local healthfood store or co-op. But the Walmart grapes came from Chile or New Zealand. How much did it cost to get them to you? Gas, freight, man power? You're only kidding yourself if you think that the cost is not somehow deferred back to you. Buy your grapes from a local co-op or farmer and that money will directly affect our local economy.

Most of us can't afford to buy everything organic. There are certain things that I always buy organic and certain things that I rotate from organic to non-organic in order to cut down on the expense. If you can only afford a few things organic, Milk would be number one on my list. The hormones given to cows and the pesticides that the cows ingest go directly into their milk supply. There is also a list of fruits and vegetables that are lowest and highest in pesticides at foodnews.org. I also shop though a local co-op called Fall Line Farms. Yes, they are more expensive than Foodlion or Walmart, but all of the food is from local farmers and growers.

I think if we all do our part in supporting local businesses & farmers, and we try our best to take care of the earth that God gave us, it will eventually turn our economy around and we will also live healthier lives.

Here are a few links:

Fall Line Farms

When-organic-food-is-worth-it

Trader Joes

Bill Nye (remember him? The Science Guy)

Food News

The 3 / 50 Project

Are You Tired? Worn Out?

2009-08-26T16:04:00.000-04:00

Yesterday was a normal Tuesday for me. Woke up early, immediately pored myself a cup of coffee, and headed out the door to an early morning meeting. I'm part of The Production Team for Powhatan Community Church, and each Tuesday morning we meet to discuss, brainstorm and plan our services.

Later that morning I ended up talking to two wise people that God has deliberately brought into my life. I say deliberately because I didn't seek a relationship with them, but it has happened as I have opened myself up to what God's will is for my life. God has put both of them in my life as an answer to prayer.

So, my wise friend said,".... What are you doing to take care of yourself? What can we do to help take care of you?"

Well, I do have a tendency to over-extend myself... hmmmm.

But, I also know that about myself and try to stay very conscious of that. And then I thought about the fact that what I do creatively for God is not energy draining at all, as long as I stay strong in my purpose.

REWIND~

I used to serve at my old church in what I thought was God's will. See, I knew that my gifting was from God and that I needed to use those gifts to serve Him (that's in the Bible in 1 Corinthians 12). So, I used my gifts in the way that I thought God wanted, I started ministries, and did all kinds of work... but with the wrong focus. The focus was on the ministry, not on God. GOD HAS TO BE NUMBER ONE! No wonder I got burned out.

Ok, back to my story.....

At first I didn't know how to answer that question (Hmmm... what can you do to help take care... Hawaii is out of the picture.... hmmmmm... maybe a closer beach.... hmmmmm...).

Oh, yeah, I'm not tired or burned out. I sat in my seat here at Powhatan Community Church for 4 years, just sat there, feeling guilty at times that I wasn't doing something. So last Fall, I asked God what he wanted from me, where did he want me to serve? As doors opened and doors closed, I made my way to what has been the best use of my creative gifts and also the use of gifts that I didn't even know were gifts!! All of this has happened in what has been one of the most emotionally and physically draining years of my life.

Through my brokenness, I have learned to trust God.

Through my brokenness, I have discovered His incredible power.

It's not about me.....

One of my favorite verses, that I often meditate on, is from Matthew 11:28-30, it says:

"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."(The Message)

The Leadership Summit

2009-08-14T10:34:00.000-04:00

I just attended this awesome conference called "The Leadership Summit". I have told many people about it over the past few days. One thing I have noticed is, as soon as I say I went with people from my church, I see their eyes shift and something inside of them turns off, and they start to half listen because they are now filing this information into the "church" area of their brain which doesn't connect with the other areas.

I'm gonna have to get up on my soapbox now....

The Leadership Summit was not about CHURCH! It was a gathering of Leaders throughout the world. They shared their experience, expertise, failures, and advise on how they lead people. If you are a person who really wants to help change the world we live in, you should check this out..
The Leadership Summit 2009

Ok, I'm done.....

Just one question: What does "church" mean to you?
To Be Continued.......

A Community

2009-08-12T10:56:00.000-04:00

This is what I call community. Several months ago I became in charge of "Set Design" at my church (Powhatan Community Church). How, you may ask, does a Nurse/Artist become in charge of "Set Design"?? I ask the same thing. I have NO "Set Design" experience, but that's the incredible thing about God. When you open yourself up to what His will is for your life, he just might show you. And in the mean time bring some incredible people into your life.

After spending over 3 years sitting in my seat, I finally got up again. I wanted to use my creativity somehow for God's kingdom. He led me to The Production Team and a bunch of awesome people that I now call friends. The creativity we bring to the table is amazing. I love how we spar each others ideas, and our creativity builds as we each say "what if we.... ". And the comfort level and trust we have to really express ourselves. I love that we're all so different and we can laugh at ourselves and when we have a crazy idea we all make this hand motion we call "The Squash".

Thank you, Production Team, for letting this new girl come in and find her place.

So, I sat on the floor of this warehouse last Saturday with 5 other creative people. For a while, I created the set mainly on my own. Sometimes I had help from other members of our Production Team, and for that I am so grateful! I tried so hard to develop my own team of "Set Designers", but it just wasn't happening, so I stopped trying.

So, on Saturday, as we cut and sanded and painted and made the set, I realized that I don't need a team.

What I have is a community.

These five people are also trying to find their way. We all shared our desires to use our art to reach the lost and the hurting, to show people Jesus, to be more like him and less like the people of this world. As I sat there I realized that God is doing something incredible for his Kingdom, and I can't wait to see what he plans to do next!

Won't you come along for the ride?

Creativity

2009-08-04T14:04:00.000-04:00

Some of you may know that I am an artist. I am also a registered nurse. If there were one word to describe me, I think Artist is the word. My creativity carries over into every arena of my life, even nursing.

Until recently, I thought that my artistic abilities were just a bonus, it allowed me to express myself and make the world a more beautiful place. Artists make the world more beautiful visually, just like musicians make the world more beautiful with sound. And if you didn't have any of those beautifying gifts, then your gift was to enjoy them :)

And a lot of artists are tormented by their pasts. A very high percentage of creative people come from dysfunctional backgrounds. Maybe creativity is a release from the pains of the past. I think some of my dysfunctional past is exposed in my art. It also provides a release when things aren't going so well in my life. It's like therapy. When I bottled it up (my art) and I don't spend time creating, I get depressed.

In the past, when I painted, I didn't have purpose. Well, my purpose was to paint a painting of something. And it got boring sometimes. Like should I paint a flower or a frog? Or a house or a landscape, or an abstract? Oils, acrylic, watercolor? Sometimes just thinking about what to paint sucked the creativity out of the whole project. And that too is depressing.

The kind of artist that paints like I used to paint feels empty. I've had this nagging feeling for a while that there had to be more to this gift that God gave me. So much more......

As I have spent a lot of time lately really contemplating my gifts, I've come to this conclusion...

God gave me my gift so I could represent him in this world. When I paint now, I become part of the painting. I am part of the movement of the brush, the colors on the canvas, the breath of God is in my painting. God is speaking through my art.

How is God speaking through you??

Mom

2009-07-31T23:21:00.000-04:00

I've been contemplating my role as a mother lately. I feel as though I have done a huge backslide in my life. That perhaps my children deserve better or more. They didn't choose me as their mother. They didn't choose the life that I have provided them.

Then I think about my life as it was 5 - 6 years ago. I was living in the West End with my ex-husband and my then three children (now there's one more). We had worked so hard for the things we had, a fairly large house in a nice neighborhood, nice cars,nice clothes, nice toys and we tried to sacrifice some things so I didn't have to work. We were members of a nice church made up of young families, just like us, who did good things for those less fortunate. We decided to move to our Dream House, the one that had EVERYTHING we wanted (not needed), especially space, 4000 square feet and an attic to finish, decorated perfectly by me. It was more than enough for us. After moving into that house, things came crashing down.

Fast forward: All of those things are gone. I have spent the better part of the last 5 years mourning those things, hating myself for many decisions that I made and how they have affected me and my children. And sometimes accepting the consequences that have come with those decisions, but mostly not.

I want to stop right now to say that this does not come out of unhappiness with the people in my life. This comes out of an expectation of what my life should have been like and what I thought was important. And there is a long list of those things.

Ok, so what I have learned as I watched my kids moving their furniture and building a small fort in their tiny little bedroom today was that it's not about what I have provided them with physically. It's not about how their father can provide so much more for them (and he frequently strives to do so, and I frequently clench my stomach when he does), or where they live, or how big our house is......

It's about their character. It's about them watching me in my struggles and seeing how I handle them.

If we were comfortable, we would never be broken.

If we're never broken, we never look for more, we stay comfortable.

It's from my brokeness that my children see my strength.

Warrior Chick

2009-07-27T22:04:00.000-04:00

I was asked to be part of a small group of women that are getting together to read a book called "Warrior Chicks".

"All of the women in the group are strong leader types, and you're the one that the extra book in my car was meant for!" my friend said.

I was pretty excited about it. I have been in a number of Women's Bible Studies that have left me feeling empty. And well, my track record is not so great as far as small groups are concerned. My husband and I have tried a bunch, we're your basic small group whores, we try one once and never go back (for various reasons like, they're too far away or we have to work that night for the next 6 months, or whatever). So I had high expectations for this group,
and I did wonder how all of us strong personality leader types were going to get along.

A few questions I had as I anticipated our first meeting, and the answers I found after our first meeting:

1. Who would lead?? We all seem to naturally gravitate toward leadership, and when you are a born leader, you can't help but lead. I found myself making a conscious effort to let Karen guide us through the questions. It was a relief to have the shoe on the other foot, and just let someone else take responsibility for something. Phewwwwwww.

2. Who would talk? Or should I say who would listen? I have to admit, I like to talk, and when I am around others who like to talk, I talk even more! So, again I made a conscious effort to listen, really listen to these women.

3. Why are we really here? I know that God puts us in different situations and we don't always know why, and we sometimes think we are there to help others, when really they are helping us. I look forward to seeing how this group evolves, and how we each grow personally.

I was a little guarded at first, not sure where this thing was gonna go, but I left there feeling like I was somehow meant to be there. Like we are an underground secret sisterhood of real women, with real struggles and issues.

And week two was even crazier! I never realized that there were other women that are so much like me. What an adventure it is! I can't wait to see what happens next!

EXPERIENCE

2009-07-23T10:18:00.000-04:00

Woke up this morning with a dull headache. Thinking about the fact that my week is coming to an end, which means I start my "work week" in a day or so. I work two 12 hour shifts each weekend. So, what I realized was how fast each week goes by. Same routine, same focus: work each weekend, Monday "put the house back together day", Tuesday - Friday is damage control, pool, kid activities, laundry, clean, church stuff, kid stuff, husband passing at the door............. kinda feel stuck.

So, I'm realigning my thinking. All of the things I've placed importance on like having new things, cleaning my house, keeping up with all of my peers, those things don't matter in the long run.

This week I have NOT done dishes everyday or vacuumed.

I've played with my kids more, I've taken them on new experiences. I went to the mall and DIDN'T BUY ANYTHING!!!!

With my oldest daughter in Macedonia on a mission trip, it's made me realize a few things. Yes, the house is a little bit quieter, and I keep thinking she's gonna come out of her room to ask me something. But...

What I've learned from seeing pictures of them and watching videos (IWCskopje2009.blogspot.com) is that life is not about the stuff. It's about the EXPERIENCE.

So many of us have been blinded by the distraction of THINGS.

Are you one of them?

Why YOU Should Go To My Church...hear me out on this one.

2009-05-23T08:40:00.000-04:00

Well, I could give you a list of things that make my church better than others, but most of those reasons would be very subjective.

I first want to share a quote:
"All too often what passes for Christianity is not true Christianity at all. It is an impostor. And the sad thing is that most people don't know the difference."J. David Hoke

What comes to mind when you hear these words?
How do they make you feel?

Church,

Religion,
Christianity,
Born Again,
Saved,
Jesus,
God,
Baptist,
Catholic,
Sunday School,
Lutheran,
Prayer,
Ritual,
..... you get the picture.

My church takes you away from stereotypes.
Come as you are.
God meets you there.
If you're not sure about God, it's ok, no one will force you to do anything you don't feel comfortable doing.
If you have questions, we're here to guide you to your answer.
If you're seeking to fulfill an emptiness, you just might find it.
If you want to remain anonymous and just take it all in, that's ok too. Many of us have been in your shoes.
If you have baggage and don't think anyone could possibly understand...come, you just might be surprised.
Been to church before?
Had a bad experience? It's not like that here.
Like great music? Ours is great and always something new.
Like creativity, drama, art, dance? We do that.
Want to hear someone talk about a topic that's relevant to your life? You'll get that too.

It's REAL here,

REAL people,
facing REAL issues,
in a REAL way.

So this is my invitation to you....

Come as you are.... no dress code, no fake smiles, no pretenses.
Powhatan Community Church
meeting at Powhatan High School on Judes Ferry Rd.
Services at 9:30am and 11am

See you there?????

2009-05-20T10:24:00.000-04:00

There's something that God has really pressed upon my heart this week. Something that until recently, never occurred to me.

For many years, I served in a number of capacities at my former church. I'm a self starter, I like to start new things, lead teams in places they have never gone before, or places they feared to go.

I was drawn to new ideas, new ministries that I thought God would LOVE to see in my former church. There was a need, there seemed to be interest.

I started a Parish Nurse Ministry... "God please bless this ministry"

Women's Bible Study... "God please bless this ministry"

Visual Arts Ministry... "God please bless this ministry"

Coffee House Ministry... "God please bless this ministry"

Mercy Ministry... "God please bless this ministry"

Blah, Blah, Blah................

So you may ask, "Were they successful?"
The answer would be, "Sometimes".
Yes, we did reach people, we held a successful Healthfair that reach the many refugees that lived in the neighborhood next to our church. The Women's bible study started with 15 women and last I heard there were 50 or more that come to it each week. Coffee House, Visual Arts, I'm not sure ..... BUT, did I feel fulfilled? like I was doing the work of God, was the Holy Spirit ALIVE in what I was doing? I'm not sure.

When I left there and came to Powhatan Community Church, I started to think of things that God would want... for 3 years I thought about it.

Then God spoke to me:

"Believe me: I am in my Father and my Father is in me. If you can't believe that, believe what you see—these works. The person who trusts me will not only do what I'm doing but even greater things, because I, on my way to the Father, am giving you the same work to do that I've been doing. You can count on it. From now on, whatever you request along the lines of who I am and what I am doing, I'll do it. That's how the Father will be seen for who he is in the Son. I mean it. Whatever you request in this way, I'll do. (John 14:11-14 The Message)

DUHHHHH. When I started to pray like this:
"God, please show me where you want me to use the gifts that you gave me. Show me how I can glorify YOUR name. I'm wide open to anything. Here I am God, here I am..."
AMAZING things started to happen. God became ALIVE in me. He led me down a path that I continue to take each day. I don't always know where we are going, he often takes me to places that are somewhat uncomfortable. Doing things that I never thought I could do, places where I HAVE TO trust him, and that's not easy for a former control freak like me.

I just have to say, what an awesome ride it's been... I highly recommend it!

I challenge you to ask yourself these questions:

Is there something that I'm asking God to bless in my life?
Have I asked God to show me what He is already blessing?
Have I said, "Here I am, God, use me in what you are doing right now!"

Reaching Hearts of People Far Away

2009-05-01T14:10:00.000-04:00

This summer, a group of youth along with adult leaders will be going to Macedonia on a mission trip. My daughter Jessi is one of the people going. For a very long time, Jessi had talked about helping other people, especially people that live in less fortunate environments who are far from Christ. As I have watched her grow into a young adult, it is evident to me where God has gifted her... the gift of mercy, kindness and encouragement. Her gifts along with the gifts that each member of the Macedonia Team has, will definitely impact this country. What a great package God is preparing for the Roma people!!

Jessi wrote a letter describing her passion for what God is doing through her, here it is:

Dear Friends and Family,

Just recently, and after much prayer, I have finally figured out where I want to go and what I want to do with my life. That is missionary work. I want to reach the lonely, the heart broken, and the unwanted and tell them the unfailing love of Jesus Christ.

This summer I have the opportunity to go on my first mission trip. I, along with other members from my church, will be heading to the Republic of Macedonia. While there we will be working with the Roma people. The Roma live in poverty and many collect plastic and trash for their only source of income. Women in Macedonia have no rights. Once engaged a Roma woman is at the mercy of her in-laws and she is basically made a slave. She is forced to do housework and other various things until her in-laws find it fit to let her go. I have had the opportunity to see pictures of the beautiful Roma children. We will also be reaching out to them during our trip; playing with them and also teaching them simple Christian values. During our time we will also spread the name of Jesus Christ.

God has impressed this trip upon my heart. I want to go and spread the life of Christ because it is the good news of Jesus that has greatly changed my own life. I want to tell the Roma women that they have worth in Christ, tell the Roma children that they are forgiven through Christ, and tell the Roma men that they have been created in the image of a loving Savior.

I am in the process of raising money through various fundraising activities. I am also continuing to ask for donations. It really isn’t about the money; I believe truly that God will provide for me. Any support whether it is through prayer or donations is a true blessing.

All For His Glory,

Jessi

In the next 4 weeks, this team is avidly trying to raise money. If you find it in your heart to support this team, please contact me via email: angiedinardi@gmail.com

Awaken My Heart

2009-04-29T23:15:00.000-04:00

My heart is confident in you, O God;

my heart is confident.

No wonder I can sing your praises!Wake up, my heart!

Wake up, O lyre and harp!

I will wake the dawn with my song.I will thank you, Lord, among all the people.

I will sing your praises among the nations.

For your unfailing love is as high as the heavens.

Your faithfulness reaches to the clouds.Be exalted, O God, above the highest heavens.

May your glory shine over all the earth.

Psalm 57: 7-11

It's been an awakening...I suddenly can see clearly. It's not about me. Never has been, never will be. If only everyone could experience that and live it out in their lives. Marriages would be better, friendships would be better, children's lives would be better, the world would be better. But, it's not that simple, it's not something that you just wake up and choose one day. Yes, everything is a choice we make. But this choice comes out of rock bottom. Finally dying to yourself.

Five years ago, my life was turned upside down. Choices I made and choices others made help put me there. Being the optimist, thinking the grass had to be greener. I've since realized that divorce is never a way out. It's never a solution to problems that each person brings into a marriage. That was the beginning of dying.

I found myself in Powhatan, Virginia. I started going to a church that met in a High School, Powhatan Community Church. I had been going to church since I was a child. Raised Baptist, very involved in a Presbyterian Church in the west end of Richmond before the divorce. Not sure of what God was doing in my life, he seemed so far away.

I loved the fact that I could just slip into my seat at this new church, no one bothered me, asked me to raise my hand, or forced me to speak to them. I slipped in each Sunday, something kept me coming back. I cried, I laughed, I started to put my guard down. After being there for a few months, I figured God needed me to serve there like I had at my other church.... women's ministry, art ministry, parish nurse ministry. I'm sure all of these needed to be started here, and I was certainly the one God sent to do it!! I had done those things in my last church. I met with the creative arts director, and tried to get involved, but for some overwhelming reason, I just couldn't do it. So, I sat in the seat each Sunday and cried, laughed and continue to let God move in me.

Three years later, I felt it was time. God was nudging me in all of my brokenness, pain and tiredness. I started serving on the Production Team, where I've somehow become in charge of the set for our Sunday morning services. And I'm leading a bible study for young girls called Rise Above the Reflection, teaching them to focus on their inward beauty. I'm occasionally singing again, and helping the youth raise money for their mission trip to Macedonia.

The thing is, I didn't have to figure out where God wanted me, all I had to do was say "here I am, Lord, send me.." And HE put me exactly where HE wanted me, using my gifts the way HE planned. That's the incredible thing about God, that's the incredible thing about Powhatan Community Church. It's so alive and breathing with the spirit of God. It's hard to not get sucked in.

At the PCC production meetings on Tuesday morning, people say that lives are changed by what we do.. and they are. I am one of those lives.... changed.

God has continuously put me in uncomfortable places, areas where I felt I just couldn't do the things that He asked me to do. As I have focused on Him, he has given me the power to do what HE wants me to do for him. This is the first time in my walk with God that he feels so alive.

C.S. Lewis once said that we can not fully experience a relationship with God until we totally die to ourselves. For the first time in my life, I have done this. How incredible is that?? It is at the very bottom of brokenness that God is using me to do incredible things for His kingdom!!! It is only thorough him that I am strong.

During my quiet time last week, I read this verse, and then, God brought it back to me when I opened my iGoogle page, the same verse was right there in front of me. I am living this verse everyday!!

Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

2 Corinth. 12:8-10

Snow, Spring and Mice

2009-03-09T08:07:00.000-04:00

So, we have 16 inches of snow one day. No electricity, trees down everywhere, four wheel drive needed to get in and out of my driveway. AND THEN, five days later, it's 85 degrees outside!! I have to say, the snow was pretty, but I prefer the 85 degrees. And I can see the signs of spring around my house and yard. My trees are budding, and my tulips are coming up. Beautiful things we associate with spring.

But, there are also some not-so-beautiful things I associate with spring. There was a bug crawling across my kitchen floor this morning, I can't identify the species, I call it a Powhatan Bug (we didn't have those kind of bugs when I lived in Midlothian). Another sign of spring I noticed in my car. I saw what looked like chocolate sprinkles on my seat. I typically blame my husband for things like this, he sneaks off to Chubby's (the convenient store/ gas station/restaurant down the street) to get his fix of fast food and ice cream on a daily basis. Well, when I took a closer look, the chocolate sprinkles looked more like they came from a mouse, if you know what I mean...yeah, mouse poop... in my car!! OK, so where is the mouse now?? I envision my self driving down the street with a mouse running around my car, as I swat at it and scream and most likely wreck! But I was late to where I needed to go, so I decided to leave, and pray.

Then I started thinking about the fact that God created mice, AND bugs. Why? Do they somehow support the food chain and more valuable species couldn't survive without eating them? Or is it something about our character that God wants to develop by putting creepy bugs and disgusting rodents in our lives? Will there be mice and bugs in heaven? Maybe they will get new bodies too and be CLEAN (I'm a germ-phobic nurse). Maybe, it's just my percetption, some people like mice and bugs. Or maybe I over analyze things? And it's soooo much deeper than what we can ever understand.

How great is God—beyond our understanding! (Job 36:26)

God is incomprehensible to us, we can never fully understand His ways.

Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end. (Ecclesiastes 3:11)

Yeah, I'll just leave it at that.

A Beating Heart

2009-02-25T13:17:00.000-05:00

At 5 weeks of life, an embryos heart begins to beat! At this point, the embryo is only 1/17th of an inch long.....that's the size of the tip of a pencil. It's hard to fathom that something that size is a living human being. God knows this tiny little embryo of life, with it's tiny little beating heart, and it's brain and other organs that are beginning to develop. Wow! God saw our bones being formed in our mother's body. He made us in an amazing and wonderful way. He has planned all of our days and written them in His book before we were born.

When I am at my job, every time I see a baby enter this world, I feel the presence of God. Whether that baby was long awaited by his parents, or maybe he wasn't planned, I still feel God in that room. Whether those parents know who He is or not,....He is there in that room when His child takes its first breath.

More TIme, More TIme,More Time......

2009-02-06T12:16:00.000-05:00

I find it increasingly more difficult to find the time to do the things I like to do, need to do, want to do, HAVE to do. How has the world gotten so busy? Why is there never enough time in the day? It's overwhelming.

My struggles:

I have to wait until I get my life organized to really start living.

I have become so busy with the day to day that I no longer have any friends. I don't have time.

I am so busy taking care of everyone and everything else, that I don't have time to take care of myself.

I hate the house I live in.

I miss my art studio and garage!

I have 50 things on my to-do list today, and I have to work 12 hours tomorrow, how will I ever get it done?

When will men start being men again? Leaders, taking responsibility for themselves and their families? What has happened to Godly men?

Women, when will we stop worrying about the way we look and what people think of us? When will we EVER put our guards down??

Is this what it means to live in a fallen world? Where the roaring lion is prowling around looking to devour us at any moment? I think he already has. I think he already has.

When I get to this point, I often look up, I hear the voice of God, I hear Jesus, he's talking to me........

"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me--watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly." (Matt 11:28-30-The Message)

Freely and lightly, freely and lightly, freely and lightly..........COME TO ME.

At The Heart of It All

2009-01-28T09:19:00.000-05:00

I have to say I am fascinated by the heart. How it sustains life both physically and emotionally. With each of my children, I remember anticipating the first time I saw that tiny flicker on the sonogram screen. The miracle of life will forever amaze me.

Without the heart, we could not survive. It's a vital organ to our being. It delivers the blood, oxygen and nutrients needed to sustain our lives. It leads our emotions, passions and drive. Sometimes we follow it blindly, as it leads us down the path it chooses.

But, at it's core, ....is it good or bad?

The heart can be many things: evil, pure,hard, soft, humble, fearful, loving, observant, obedient, defiant, committed, tested, crying, rejoicing, responsive, seeking, praying, discerning, changing ....... the list goes on.

Jeremiah 17:9 says "The human heart is the most deceitful and desperately wicked. Who really knows how bad it is?" It's as if the heart needs some help. It needs to be controlled, reigned in somehow.

It is by believing in your heart that you are made right with God. Believing adds another element to the heart, we also have to engage our minds. So if we are to have spiritual renewal in Christ, are we not made new in the attitude of our minds? Yes, we are. That would be our new nature, created in God's likeness. (Romans 10:10, Ephesians 4:23-24).

I go back to Jeremiah 17, in verse 10, God answers... "I, the Lord, search the heart and examine the mind ......."

To follow our hearts, we must first follow our minds. There is a consciousness that we must have with our hearts as it takes us on the wild and exciting journey called life.