Time for Change

Time for Change

One year ago I wrote this post and never hit the "publish" button, not sure why, but maybe I was afraid of what might happen if I put this out there and then didn't change, didn't move forward. Well, looking back, I realize this post was a spring board for change:

On February 14, 2014 I wrote:

Many things have changed over the past year. 

My life is currently in a state of major change, and it's stressful and uncertain.  

The change is a necessary change, but not a popular change among those involved. 

This change is humbling, and wrought with a sense of failure and regret, along with a sense of freshness and excitement of better times ahead. 

There is sadness and relief. 
There is nervousness and anxiety.
There is peace and calm.
There is exhaustion and renewal.

There are feelings of isolation and feelings of being trapped.

There is an overwhelming feeling of hope that the right decision has been made, and that the other person gets it, understands what's happening, is not living in denial.

The movement of going forward is what propels me to go on, on to the new life that this change is bringing. 

Change creates a fire beneath us. 

When one person changes, it makes others around you change. 

It's dynamic, there is movement. 

You must move. 

You choose the direction.

And walk in it.

Leading

I don't want to just share the thoughts that are in my head.... I want to be a catalyst for change in peoples lives.

That is it.

My Life's Goal.

• In my family
• In my job
• In my circle of friends

Leaders have to be careful, people are watching our every move. Someone who is effective, is active in the process of leading. It's not about telling others what to do or pontificating.

Leading is an action, a verb. It's pushing people to be the best that they can be, to recognize their strengths, and to stop comparing themselves to others.

I'm sure you've heard "It's not about you"... and it really isn't, but it's also not about everyone else you are pointing your finger at and trying to tear down. Turn the finger back around and improve on yourself.

If you can swing the Titanic in the direction of self reflection, you will have a great team. If you can't, then maybe you need to put some people on a life boat and send them on their way, because if you don't, you are going down! Get the right people on the team, help them see their potential, put them in a place where their gifts can best be used and that Titanic will steer far away from the ominous iceberg that is hiding in the darkness.

The down side.... the Titanic is a big massive hunk of steel, that is heavy and hard to steer. So, no one ever said (at least in my experience) that this was going to be easy. Life is a journey, not a destination. Self actualization will NOT be achieved until we meet our maker. Leading is a process of continuous improvement.

As I lead my team, and strive for my Life's goal, I vow to:

1) Continuously look for ways to improve myself.
2) Set clear goals for myself and my team.
3) Help others reach their potential in a non-threatening way.
4) Reflect on what we as a team have accomplished and what we still need to do.
5) Share my experiences and my teams experiences with others.

My Life in Ombre'

Ombre'

Not to be confused with Ombre (pronounced Omber) which is an old three-handed card game popular in Europe especially in the 17th and 18th centuries (per Webster and his dictionary).

What I am talking about is having color tones that shade into each other. I've seen it in clothing this season, hair, art, home décor, even the jello at work last weekend was Ombre'.

Ombre' cookies!

Ombre' Walls!

 

Ombre' Hair!

                                    Ombre' Cake.... these are so cute!!!!

 

Everything around me is turning Ombre'!

I often wonder how or who starts these trends. Someone in Hollywood, no doubt, had a hair color disaster and tried to make the best of it. Remember in the 90's when you dyed your hair and your roots grew out and you didn't go back in to have them dyed again, it was considered trashy and cheap? Now it's called OMBRE' !

 

So what is Ombre'? Is it some wishy washy shade of color?

"I don't know whether I want to be light or dark so I'll be both and every shade in between." said the color Blue.

 

I think many of us are Ombre' and we don't even know it. Perhaps that's part of the issue with society today and the generations we are raising. We can't make a decision about who we are, what we believe, or what we want to do. So we do it all and every shade in between.

 

That sure sounds like my life. While I've never been accused of being monochromatic, ombre' might be fitting with it's orderly progression of color. I want my life to be orderly.

Although, I don't know that I can thrive in anything but chaos.

I'm a future thinker, I love thinking of all the possibilities that lie ahead of me.

 I love change and find it exciting to take new paths in life.

I love to fly by the seat of my pants.

"Wing and a prayer"

Is that the way God wants me to live?

So I swing to the other side by taking on super duper responsibilities.

Working two jobs, being Super Nurse!

Putting a side my family time, and my artistic time, and my God time.

Is there a happy medium? A way to find balance?

Am I just totally missing the point that God is trying to club me over the head with? 

 

Maybe Ombre' is not so bad after all.

 

Unglued

New read for me: Unglued.

I come unglued on a daily basis. I think sometimes that I actually live unglued, or in some state of unglued, as if unglued is on a continuum. SO when I was invited to be part of a women's bible study that was studying the book called "Unglued", I said "sure, why not."

This weeks lesson focused on labels we give ourselves that keep us stuck. I can't help but think of the way I have kept myself stuck for the last 7 years. I have actually asked God why he has kept me here. I know it is something I have to learn or grow or be refined by. I have been on the look out for what God is doing, missed opportunities to be free of this prison of trappedness. But the harder I try, the harder it gets.

So what is it that I am trapped by....I have labeled myself a bad mom.

Bad mommy label includes:
1) divorce times 2
2) working fulltime
3) tired ALL of the time.
4) self-inflicted guilt because I'm a bad mom
5) not giving my children enough attention
6) not going to church or taking them because I ALWAYS work weekends! But I'm trapped there because of the money.

My solution:
1) work more hours to pay off bills so eventually I don't have to work so hard.
2) ignore my husband because he is not helping the problem to begin with.
3) be hateful to everyone because I'm working my a** off and everyone needs to just leave me alone while I get through this!

Gods solution:(according to "Unglued")
1) Stop listening to the lies that are meant to tear me down.
2) View the circumstance as a CALL TO ACTION! Not a call to beat myself up.
3) Use the momentum of tackling one label to tackle more.

All of this adds up to Grace.

Sin didn't, and doesn't have a chance with the aggressive forgiveness we call grace. When it's sin versus grace, grace wins hands down!!!!

Romans 5:20 The Message

Spit and Polish Veneer

Ok, so I just completed 7 days of work in a row, with one lucky day off. And I am coming into the homestretch of my Transcultural Nursing Class, I never knew I could know so much about other cultures, and find nearly 30,000 words to write about it!

With that said, I still get a bee in my bonnet about this time of year. I am once again consumed by consumerism! I'm sickened by the way we spend and forget about the reason we have this wonderful holiday to begin with. I am just as guilty as the next person, believe me, that giant plank in my eye is still festering. I'm just determined to do something about it.

The problem is, I don't know what. 

But I do know it begins with me.

I have harped in the past about having too much stuff, buying things I don't need, selling things, giving to the poor, but the reality is that my life is so busy with other things (work, kids, school, cleaning, shopping :) etc.) that I don't ever get around to my good intentions. I do the same thing with God. I read the bible almost daily, and I am convicted by what I read, but aren't I just like those people in the bible that knew so much about the law and called themselves religious, but didn't live their lives that way? You know who I'm talking about, those Pharisees. 

I would venture to say that more of us live like that then those who actually practice what they read from the bible. Think about it...

At what point do we actually stop just reading the bible and start doing what it says??

I'm frightened by the church today.

I'm frightened by the heart of so many well meaning Christians.

I'm frightened by my own heart, and what I am teaching my children.

I'm frightened by how Jesus described the Pharisees to his disciples:

“The religion scholars and Pharisees are competent teachers in God’s Law. You won’t go wrong in following their teachings on Moses. But be careful about following them. They talk a good line, but they don’t live it. They don’t take it into their hearts and live it out in their behavior. It’s all spit-and-polish veneer."  

(Matthew 23:1-3 The Message)

Spit-and-polish veneer, 

that's what we are, 

I know that's what I am.

I want to be the real deal. Help me please, because I want to change, I want to evoke change in my family and in others. Let's do this together, I want to know your thoughts and ideas. 

How do we start the process of going back to the basics? Back to living the way Jesus said to live. Not just talking a good talk, but really living like Jesus did.

 

 

Aren't we all hoarders?

 Don’t store up treasures here on earth, where moths eat them and rust destroys them, and where thieves break in and steal.  Store your treasures in heaven, where moths and rust cannot destroy, and thieves do not break in and steal. Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be. 

Matthew 6:19-21

Today:

I am thankful for my family, my home, and never needing anything. I find it so hard sometimes to let go of the earthly things that I hoard and collect. I really think many of us buy things and save things because it satisfies some void in our lives. I get soooo caught up in the process of needing (wanting) stuff, that I can't see the forest for the trees. No, I am not a hoarder, my house is not packed with newspapers and books and rotting food from 1986, so much that I have to crawl through the door ways with only a 6 inch opening (true story from hoarders). Hoarders have some sort of psychological issue that they really can't get rid of things and they keep collecting things, but I wonder if most of us have some mild form of this too.

So my question to you is this:

Where are you storing your treasures? 

And what are you going to do with all of the extra stuff you have collected here on earth?

Good-bye my Beloved Enrique

Today is the anniversary of the death of my beloved Suburban #2, loving named Enrique (don't ask, the kids named it). 

    

As you may recall from a post several years ago, Suburban #1 burned up in a raging ball of fire. Actually, as I was driving home from work, I noticed that my butt was getting warm, and well it was August after all, so I ignored it. But my butt got hotter, so I thought that I must have accidentally hit the seat heater button. After going into the house and remembering that I left my bag in the car, I returned to find the entire car engulfed in smoke! So I did what any sane women would do, I ran inside and yelled for my husband to come help me! Need I say more.... 

Long story short, Suburban #1, Lady Kesha, was totaled.

Enrique met his death last year when we were on our way to church. A new driver, bless her heart, pulled out in front of us when she mistakened (I'm not sure that's a word) the gas pedal for the brake. We were all shook up, but no one was hurt badly.

There is irony here. We were on our way to a Dave Ramsey study. Financial Peace....

Dave doesn't like car debt, we had car debt. I was trying very hard to align my financial life in a way that honored God, with Dave's help. I had plans to quietly pay that car off and promise God I would never do it again. I wasn't thinking that God would just wipe that car right out of my life. But then again, who am I kidding, God almost always has to basically hit me over the head with things to get my attention. I was often labeled "testa duro"(hard head) by my Italian famiglia. So, he took the Suburban in one foul swoop! Gone! Totaled! So I started in a panic to look for another car to replace Enrique. And to no avail, I could not find one. I cried. I would have to give back the rental and drive the forbidden and disgusting Minivan, so aptly named The Grey Turd.

A year later, The Grey Turd and I are friends. It has gotten me everywhere I need to go, and it is paid off. That minivan is a reminder everyday of the fact that God is in control and is literally at the wheel of my life. I love the fact that it has a dent in every side and often tease my up and coming drivers that they will soon have the pleasure of driving it. You know how they love that :)

Thank you Jesus for my life, for my family, and for breaking me down every day so that you can build me back up to be more like you... Amen.

Stuck

At what point do you reach the end of yourself? One thing I know for sure is that God is forever in my lifetime on earth working with me. I used to think that I would someday attain this status of greatness never to go no more.. he was done with me ;) That's a lie I told myself, or perhaps it was the whispering of those little evil angels that whisper in our ears and try to convince us of the things that we really know deep down inside are not the right thing to think or do. One thing I know for sure is that God will NEVER, EVER, EVER be done with me.

So I have to look back at the path that I have traveled:
     
     I have lived in this tiny house since 2005, it was a panicked decision to buy this house, well, the divorce and other circumstances blinded my decision making process. With that said, I have never really connected with this house. In fact I really hate this house! I have always hated this house!! It's a dump in my eyes and somehow I think I have always felt it was below me to live in such a place. It was such a back step coming from my half a million dollar paradise off of Robious Road (if you are local, you know what I am talking about). Because I needed 4000+ square feet of living space with a husband, 3 kids and 2 dogs. I needed to keep up with the Jones-es and the Smith-es, and run around in my little tennis outfit when I picked up the kids from school even though I didn't really hardly play tennis, it was always about the outfit. I needed all that because I worked hard and earned it. I deserved this, this stuff. NOT. But those demon angels convinced me that I did, and so I did.
     Now I live on 10 acres in the middle of nowhere in a barely 2000 square foot house that is falling apart and often looks like Sanford and Son live with me, oops, no, that's just my husband. No wonder I still have boxes that I haven't unpacked in 7 years!
     So for seven years I have somehow been trying to makeup for my "misfortune". I have bought things to put band-aids on the mess I have made of my life. I think we are all caught up in this vicious cycle of making ourselves believe that we need things. I have used shopping and buying things as a way to heal myself, and the biggest revelation I have had has come straight from heaven.

God has kept me here in this stuck place until I change my ways.

My to do list:

1) Stop buying crap that I absolutely do not need, regardless of whether it is cute or I want it. Sorry, Cute Orange Purse all my friends have and I really, really, really want... you will have to wait until all my other 200 purses wear out. 

2) Give the extra crap AWAY! or sell it. 

3) Be content, and wait for God to show me the next step in my journey called life.

Resurrection

I have struggled with blogging over the past year. I felt as if I was having to pull things out of my you-know-what just to post something...... and well, that's just not a good reason to blog.

I started blogging as a way to process, share, vent, and explore ideas and information. 

       With that said.... 

I have a multitude of information to process these days. Maybe my brain was just storing up thoughts, and now it's time to purge. So let's begin........

Ok, so I started reading this book called 7, you can find it here. (And yes, I do have time to read, people ask me this question all of the time. Between family, work, school, and work, I read. It's how I start my day and end my day. I'm somewhat OCD about it... the morning must begin with coffee and God, and the night always ends with some sort of good fiction book! I digress.)

Let me give some background:

It occurred to me that we have WAY TOO MUCH STUFF! I was preparing the house for painters to come in to paint bedrooms, and it seemed as if the walls were caving in. 

We have too much, an excess of everything!!!

I can't stand it!

I'm even contemplating moving to a bigger house, as if this crap won't follow me there!

So, one day as a way to escape the clutter, I went to the Christian book store to spend the gift card that my work girlfriends gave me last January. And I came upon the book 7. It looked interesting, and after putting down the $90 Beth Moore study, 

I picked up 7, 

it cost $15, 

it would simplify my life, 

what better timing. 

(Beth Moore study, I will buy you later).

And the adventure begins.......

Positive Thinking... You Gotta Try It!

My 90 day challenge.... To eat healthy (no carbs, no wheat, no gluten), and to exercise regularly again! I feel so much better when I eat like that. Here's my plan: Visalus Shake for breakfast, healthy snack, healthy lunch, Visalus shake for dinner! Anyone want to join me? What's your 90 day challenge?

In addition to sticking to the eating plan, keeping a positive attitude is also important. Having the right mind set is crucial to obtaining your goals!

Did you know there are many health benefits to positive thinking??? 

• Increased life span
• Better physical and psychological well-being
• Greater resistance to the common cold
• Better coping skills during hardships and stressful times
• Lower rates of depression
• Reduced risk of death from heart disease
• Lower levels of distress 

 SOOOOOO, take a deep breath and put this into action....

Here are some examples of negative self-talk and how you can apply a positive thinking twist to them. (Mayo Clinic, 2011)

Negative self-talk	Positive thinking
I've never done it before.	It's an opportunity to learn something new.
It's too complicated.	I'll tackle it from a different angle.
I don't have the resources.	Necessity is the mother of invention.
I'm too lazy to get this done.	I wasn't able to fit it into my schedule but can re-examine some priorities.
There's no way it will work.	I can try to make it work.
It's too radical a change.	Let's take a chance.
No one bothers to communicate with me.	I'll see if I can open the channels of communication.
I'm not going to get any better at this.	I'll give it another try.

Learn more about positive thinking and stress relief here.

My 90 Day Challenge

 My 90 day challenge..... Part One

Well let me start from the beginning.....

I'm somewhat of a healthy food freak. I loooooovvveee reading about and learning about ways to get and stay healthy.

I've read books on
     the Paleo Diet,
            the Primal Blueprint,
                 the Maker's Diet,
                     the Blood Type Diet,
                         South Beach,
                              Jillian Michaels,
                                   Dr. Bob,
                                        etc., etc., etc.

I have a good handle on what to eat and how to eat to be healthy. I start most mornings with a breakfast shake or smoothy. I'm always trying different brands to see what tastes and works best. Most days I mix up my own concoction.

So one day, I'm sitting at home and my friend calls me up and tells me about a shake that she just tried. She's a breakfast shake kinda person too. She said I just had to try it.

So I did.

And it was really good.

Hence began my journey with ViSalus. The fastest growing health challenge in North America.

Stay tuned for Part Two tomorrow.

Thankful Thursday

Things I am thankful for today:

1) Cherries (I'm sitting here eating a huge bowl of them right now!)

2) My daughters helping me around the house.

3) My first born son who keeps texting me pictures on his adventure to Lake Placid, New York.

4) My baby boy who wants to learn how to fold clothes so he can help with chores.

5) My husband who bought a 1962 Cruiser Inc so he could restore it. All because I saw one and said how cool it was :)








6) Summertime. I love summertime, the 100 degree days and all!

7) A relationship with a God who knows my every move before I even think it, who I grow closer to and understand a little it more each day.

8)  Oh and did I say cherries? Darn these are good!

The Return

It feels somewhat surreal to be blogging again. I didn't intentionally abandon my blog, it just seemed to happen. I felt like there was little left for me to say, and it felt forced. I started writing at 750Words. I liked to be able to mind dump somewhere that wasn't in the public eye.

I actually took a break from all social networking.

In the last 5 months, I have spent very little time staying "connected"....
                 very little facebook,
                         very little twitter, 
                                very little blogging.
Even though I am an extrovert by nature, I sometimes need to live the life of an introvert and gain some energy from seclusion. I can't think of a real good reason why I took this sabbatical from blogging, but I do know that I have a lot to write about now that I am back.

And I am looking so forward to catching up with all of you out there!

There is a reason...

There is a reason for my lack in posting.

Actually several...

1) I couldn't think of anything interesting to write about.
2) Sometimes I need to write about things that are just too personal to post publicly.
3) It seems like everyone has a blog these days.
4) I needed to re-evaluate my purpose.
5) My car was totaled.
6) It's winter, between lack of sunlight and decreased vitamin D, I may as well be a bear.

That's all.

Dear Creator...

God,

I have lost track again.

The world has sucked me in, I caved to the pressures of others who don't know you.

Take away my complacency. 

Take away my greed, my need for comfort and false securities.

You've asked me to be the salt and light, but my salt is weak and my light is dim, it barely flickers.

My actions mirror those around me.

Harsh judgement and cruel words fly from my  lips.

I want to love my enemies with the love that can only come from you.

I want to stop trying to figure you out and just accept you as the One who made me, and the One who knows best.

Forgive my arrogance, my self-centeredness, my audacity in thinking that I know best, that I can tell you how to be God.

Your ways are inexplicable. 

I want to believe your truths, all of them, even the ones that make me uncomfortable. The ones that others just can't believe you would do because you're a loving God, and love doesn't ever equal pain.

Rescue me from myself.

I want to be your beacon in this lost world.

I want to give up my comforts to help those in need.

Mold me, make me more like you.

Set me on fire.

Set me apart.

Amen.

Creativity...

The more I observe, the more I witness, the more I experience creative people, the more I have come to understand the creative process. Highly creative people need the emotional ups and downs to create. The creative process comes from that deep emotion's (pain, joy, anger...) need to get out.

Creativity lives in the fringes of insanity.

I'm not labeling. Much of what I write about comes from personal experience. I am a creative person.

Creativity drives me.

It takes on a life of it's own.

It's therapy.

It's exercise for the brain.

It's unpredictable.

It's a gift from above.

 

Procrastination you are NOT my Friend

I hate the one bad habit that I have (hahahaha, "one" bad habit, wink, wink ;)....

PROCRASTINATION!!!

I'm not sure why I do it. I have to say, I work really well under pressure and typically I still get things done. I even get good grades on papers that I stay up til 1am writing. However, it's not healthy to procrastinate. It is healthy to not stress over getting things done prematurely. I think I really need to list the reasons why I procrastinate so I have something to go back to:

1) I think part of it has to do with ADD.......squirrel! I get distracted easily. My motto is "as long as everything is accomplished during the day, it doesn't matter how it got accomplished".

2) I enjoy the adrenaline rush of doing things at the last minute.

3) I can live in denial and have fun in the moment, well, until the final hour comes and then I have to get down to business.

4) I have an over packed calendar. Most of which is unavoidable with running kids from place to place and just being a Mom. 

5) I don't remeber what day it is, then I realize that it's actually Monday and I have a paper due by 2am!

6) I have good intentions but then unexpected things happen that require my attention.

Ok, so they are all just a list of excuses.

And occassionally it is just an EPIC FAIL on my part.

Procrastination is not my friend.

We must part ways.

We're divorcing as of today.

Say a little prayer as I start to research my next paper that is due NEXT Monday. Thanks.

 

 

Tea is not Water and Gum has Sweeteners, and Ooops! I ate a Tater Tot!

I know tea is not water, and gum does have sweeteners (but I will keep searching the aisles of Whole Foods to find one that doesn't). 

I have been doing fine with my fast, but then as I was cleaning up after dinner, I popped a tater tot right into my mouth! Oooops! I realized. Then I tried to rationalize it as I ate three more, "Potatoes are vegetables and oil is ok, and they are baked, right??" This morning I woke up and thought to myself that I must have been under some sort of spell as I rationalized the eating of the tater tot. No, it's not ok, they are processed and probably fried before they are frozen and then re-baked. 

I asked forgiveness.

And now as I sit here trying to make sense of things, and procrastinate starting to write my paper on the History of Nursing Theorists, I realize that we do that very thing every day.

Let me break it down:

We do something bad/sinful, 

we realize it, 

we rationalize it, 

we do it again, 

then we realize it,

ask forgiveness,

then we do it again,

then we realize it,

maybe ask forgiveness again,

etc.,

etc.,

etc......

It gets old doesn't it?

Thank you Jesus that you forgive us and you change us.

Apple on my Counter......Summer 2010

Fasting

But Daniel determined that he would not defile himself by eating the king's food or drinking his wine, so he asked the head of the palace staff to exempt him from the royal diet. The head of the palace staff, by God's grace, liked Daniel, but he warned him, "I'm afraid of what my master the king will do. He is the one who assigned this diet and if he sees that you are not as healthy as the rest, he'll have my head!"

But Daniel appealed to a steward who had been assigned by the head of the palace staff to be in charge of Daniel, Hananiah, Mishael, and Azariah: "Try us out for ten days on a simple diet of vegetables and water. Then compare us with the young men who eat from the royal menu. Make your decision on the basis of what you see." 

Daniel 1:8-13

Today is day 7 for me. I have been hesitant to talk about fasting. It's something I am doing to draw closer to God, find descernemet, and detoxify my body and soul. I have been reading about it and studying about it for a long time, but have always put it on a back burner, "I'll start after vacation, after Christmas, after school is done, blah, blah, blah....". 

What better time to start then during Lent. I am giving up sugar for Lent and decided to do this Daniel fast to start off. 

 NO: meats, dairy, leavened bread, refined processed foods, deep-fried foods, solid fats, and non-water beverages. 

YES: vegetables, fruit, whole grains, nuts , seeds, legumes, quality oils, soy foods, water.

YES: Daily focus on Gods' word and the strongholds in my life that need to be released, so I can see clearly what God's plan is for me.

This first week has been challenging. I haven't found it challenging to eat healthy. I typically enjoy eating that way with added goodies (cookies and cakes and bagels). I have found it challenging to stay on track as my body revolts and detoxes. I have been bloated and physically feeling sick for this first week. Night time is the hardest time for me. 

I just want a little cookie or to lick the icing off a cupcake or two or twelve...

Or a chewy gooey rice crispy treat...

Or my famous caramel popcorn...

 

So for today I focus on this:

"The Daisy and The Bee" taken in my backyard two Springs ago.

Picture Inspiration

I'm participating in a year long photo adventure called Picture Inspiration. If you want to read more about it, there is button on the right column of my blog.

Each week I receive photo prompts, challenges, and projects. I looooovvvvvveeeee taking pictures! And this is a great way to find inspiration and also have the support of a fabulous community of other photographers.

This week my prompt was Finding a Little Rhythm....

Secret Lake

Wood