Mom

I've been contemplating my role as a mother lately. I feel as though I have done a huge backslide in my life. That perhaps my children deserve better or more. They didn't choose me as their mother. They didn't choose the life that I have provided them. 

Then I think about my life as it was 5 - 6 years ago. I was living in the West End with my ex-husband and my then three children (now there's one more). We had worked so hard for the things we had, a fairly large house in a nice neighborhood, nice cars,nice clothes, nice toys and we tried to sacrifice some things so I didn't have to work. We were members of a nice church made up of young families, just like us, who did good things for those less fortunate. We decided to move to our Dream House, the one that had EVERYTHING we wanted (not needed), especially space, 4000 square feet and an attic to finish, decorated perfectly by me. It was more than enough for us. After moving into that house, things came crashing down. 

Fast forward: All of those things are gone. I have spent the better part of the last 5 years mourning those things, hating myself for many decisions that I made and how they have affected me and my children. And sometimes accepting the consequences that have come with those decisions, but mostly not.

I want to stop right now to say that this does not come out of unhappiness with the people in my life. This comes out of an expectation of what my life should have been like and what I thought was important. And there is a long list of those things. 

Ok, so what I have learned as I watched my kids moving their furniture and building a small fort in their tiny little bedroom today was that it's not about what I have provided them with physically. It's not about how their father can provide so much more for them (and he frequently strives to do so, and I frequently clench my stomach when he does), or where they live, or how big our house is...... 

It's about their character. It's about them watching me in my struggles and seeing how I handle them. 

If we were comfortable, we would never be broken. 

If we're never broken, we never look for more, we stay comfortable.

It's from my brokeness that my children see my strength. 

Warrior Chick

I was asked to be part of a small group of women that are getting together to read a book called "Warrior Chicks".

"All of the women in the group are strong leader types, and you're the one that the extra book in my car was meant for!" my friend said.

I was pretty excited about it. I have been in a number of Women's Bible Studies that have left me feeling empty. And well, my track record is not so great as far as small groups are concerned. My husband and I have tried a bunch, we're your basic small group whores, we try one once and never go back (for various reasons like, they're too far away or we have to work that night for the next 6 months, or whatever). So I had high expectations for this group,
and I did wonder how all of us strong personality leader types were going to get along.

A few questions I had as I anticipated our first meeting, and the answers I found after our first meeting:

1. Who would lead?? We all seem to naturally gravitate toward leadership, and when you are a born leader, you can't help but lead. I found myself making a conscious effort to let Karen guide us through the questions. It was a relief to have the shoe on the other foot, and just let someone else take responsibility for something. Phewwwwwww.

2. Who would talk? Or should I say who would listen? I have to admit, I like to talk, and when I am around others who like to talk, I talk even more! So, again I made a conscious effort to listen, really listen to these women.

3. Why are we really here? I know that God puts us in different situations and we don't always know why, and we sometimes think we are there to help others, when really they are helping us. I look forward to seeing how this group evolves, and how we each grow personally.

I was a little guarded at first, not sure where this thing was gonna go, but I left there feeling like I was somehow meant to be there. Like we are an underground secret sisterhood of real women, with real struggles and issues.

And week two was even crazier! I never realized that there were other women that are so much like me. What an adventure it is! I can't wait to see what happens next!

EXPERIENCE

Woke up this morning with a dull headache. Thinking about the fact that my week is coming to an end, which means I start my "work week" in a day or so. I work two 12 hour shifts each weekend. So, what I realized was how fast each week goes by. Same routine, same focus: work each weekend, Monday "put the house back together day", Tuesday - Friday is damage control, pool, kid activities, laundry, clean, church stuff, kid stuff, husband passing at the door............. kinda feel stuck.

So, I'm realigning my thinking. All of the things I've placed importance on like having new things, cleaning my house, keeping up with all of my peers, those things don't matter in the long run.

This week I have NOT done dishes everyday or vacuumed.

I've played with my kids more, I've taken them on new experiences. I went to the mall and DIDN'T BUY ANYTHING!!!!

With my oldest daughter in Macedonia on a mission trip, it's made me realize a few things. Yes, the house is a little bit quieter, and I keep thinking she's gonna come out of her room to ask me something. But...

What I've learned from seeing pictures of them and watching videos (IWCskopje2009.blogspot.com) is that life is not about the stuff. It's about the EXPERIENCE.

So many of us have been blinded by the distraction of THINGS.

Are you one of them?

Why YOU Should Go To My Church...hear me out on this one.

Well, I could give you a list of things that make my church better than others, but most of those reasons would be very subjective.

I first want to share a quote:
"All too often what passes for Christianity is not true Christianity at all. It is an impostor. And the sad thing is that most people don't know the difference."J. David Hoke

What comes to mind when you hear these words?
How do they make you feel?

Church,

Religion,
Christianity,
Born Again,
Saved,
Jesus,
God,
Baptist,
Catholic,
Sunday School,
Lutheran,
Prayer,
Ritual,
..... you get the picture.

My church takes you away from stereotypes.
Come as you are.
God meets you there.
If you're not sure about God, it's ok, no one will force you to do anything you don't feel comfortable doing.
If you have questions, we're here to guide you to your answer.
If you're seeking to fulfill an emptiness, you just might find it.
If you want to remain anonymous and just take it all in, that's ok too. Many of us have been in your shoes.
If you have baggage and don't think anyone could possibly understand...come, you just might be surprised.
Been to church before?
Had a bad experience? It's not like that here.
Like great music? Ours is great and always something new.
Like creativity, drama, art, dance? We do that.
Want to hear someone talk about a topic that's relevant to your life? You'll get that too.


It's REAL here,

REAL people,
facing REAL issues,
in a REAL way.

So this is my invitation to you....

Come as you are.... no dress code, no fake smiles, no pretenses.
Powhatan Community Church
meeting at Powhatan High School on Judes Ferry Rd.
Services at 9:30am and 11am

See you there?????

There's something that God has really pressed upon my heart this week. Something that until recently, never occurred to me.

For many years, I served in a number of capacities at my former church. I'm a self starter, I like to start new things, lead teams in places they have never gone before, or places they feared to go.

I was drawn to new ideas, new ministries that I thought God would LOVE to see in my former church. There was a need, there seemed to be interest.

I started a Parish Nurse Ministry... "God please bless this ministry"

Women's Bible Study... "God please bless this ministry"

Visual Arts Ministry... "God please bless this ministry"

Coffee House Ministry... "God please bless this ministry"

Mercy Ministry... "God please bless this ministry"

Blah, Blah, Blah................

So you may ask, "Were they successful?"
The answer would be, "Sometimes".
Yes, we did reach people, we held a successful Healthfair that reach the many refugees that lived in the neighborhood next to our church. The Women's bible study started with 15 women and last I heard there were 50 or more that come to it each week. Coffee House, Visual Arts, I'm not sure ..... BUT, did I feel fulfilled? like I was doing the work of God, was the Holy Spirit ALIVE in what I was doing? I'm not sure.

When I left there and came to Powhatan Community Church, I started to think of things that God would want... for 3 years I thought about it.

Then God spoke to me:

"Believe me: I am in my Father and my Father is in me. If you can't believe that, believe what you see—these works. The person who trusts me will not only do what I'm doing but even greater things, because I, on my way to the Father, am giving you the same work to do that I've been doing. You can count on it. From now on, whatever you request along the lines of who I am and what I am doing, I'll do it. That's how the Father will be seen for who he is in the Son. I mean it. Whatever you request in this way, I'll do. (John 14:11-14 The Message)

DUHHHHH. When I started to pray like this:
"God, please show me where you want me to use the gifts that you gave me. Show me how I can glorify YOUR name. I'm wide open to anything. Here I am God, here I am..."
AMAZING things started to happen. God became ALIVE in me. He led me down a path that I continue to take each day. I don't always know where we are going, he often takes me to places that are somewhat uncomfortable. Doing things that I never thought I could do, places where I HAVE TO trust him, and that's not easy for a former control freak like me.

I just have to say, what an awesome ride it's been... I highly recommend it!

I challenge you to ask yourself these questions:

Is there something that I'm asking God to bless in my life?
Have I asked God to show me what He is already blessing?
Have I said, "Here I am, God, use me in what you are doing right now!"

Reaching Hearts of People Far Away

This summer, a group of youth along with adult leaders will be going to Macedonia on a mission trip. My daughter Jessi is one of the people going. For a very long time, Jessi had talked about helping other people, especially people that live in less fortunate environments who are far from Christ. As I have watched her grow into a young adult, it is evident to me where God has gifted her... the gift of mercy, kindness and encouragement. Her gifts along with the gifts that each member of the Macedonia Team has, will definitely impact this country. What a great package God is preparing for the Roma people!!

Jessi wrote a letter describing her passion for what God is doing through her, here it is:

Dear Friends and Family,

Just recently, and after much prayer, I have finally figured out where I want to go and what I want to do with my life. That is missionary work.  I want to reach the lonely, the heart broken, and the unwanted and tell them the unfailing love of Jesus Christ.

            This summer I have the opportunity to go on my first mission trip. I, along with other members from my church, will be heading to the Republic of Macedonia. While there we will be working with the Roma people.  The Roma live in poverty and many collect plastic and trash for their only source of income.  Women in Macedonia have no rights. Once engaged a Roma woman is at the mercy of her in-laws and she is basically made a slave. She is forced to do housework and other various things until her in-laws find it fit to let her go.  I have had the opportunity to see pictures of the beautiful Roma children. We will also be reaching out to them during our trip; playing with them and also teaching them simple Christian values.  During our time we will also spread the name of Jesus Christ.

            God has impressed this trip upon my heart. I want to go and spread the life of Christ because it is the good news of Jesus that has greatly changed my own life.  I want to tell the Roma women that they have worth in Christ, tell the Roma children that they are forgiven through Christ, and tell the Roma men that they have been created in the image of a loving Savior.

            I am in the process of raising money through various fundraising activities. I am also continuing to ask for donations. It really isn’t about the money; I believe truly that God will provide for me. Any support whether it is through prayer or donations is a true blessing.

                                    All For His Glory,

                                                       Jessi 

In the next 4 weeks, this team is avidly trying to raise money. If you find it in your heart to support this team, please contact me via email: angiedinardi@gmail.com 

Awaken My Heart

My heart is confident in you, O God;

my heart is confident.

No wonder I can sing your praises!Wake up, my heart!

Wake up, O lyre and harp!

I will wake the dawn with my song.I will thank you, Lord, among all the people.

I will sing your praises among the nations.

For your unfailing love is as high as the heavens.

Your faithfulness reaches to the clouds.Be exalted, O God, above the highest heavens.

May your glory shine over all the earth.

Psalm 57: 7-11

It's been an awakening...I suddenly can see clearly. It's not about me. Never has been, never will be. If only everyone could experience that and live it out in their lives. Marriages would be better, friendships would be better, children's lives would be better, the world would be better. But, it's not that simple, it's not something that you just wake up and choose one day. Yes, everything is a choice we make. But this choice comes out of rock bottom. Finally dying to yourself.

Five years ago, my life was turned upside down. Choices I made and choices others made help put me there. Being the optimist, thinking the grass had to be greener. I've since realized that divorce is never a way out. It's never a solution to problems that each person brings into a marriage. That was the beginning of dying.

I found myself in Powhatan, Virginia. I started going to a church that met in a High School, Powhatan Community Church. I had been going to church since I was a child. Raised Baptist, very involved in a Presbyterian Church in the west end of Richmond before the divorce. Not sure of what God was doing in my life, he seemed so far away.

I loved the fact that I could just slip into my seat at this new church, no one bothered me, asked me to raise my hand, or forced me to speak to them. I slipped in each Sunday, something kept me coming back. I cried, I laughed, I started to put my guard down. After being there for a few months, I figured God needed me to serve there like I had at my other church.... women's ministry, art ministry, parish nurse ministry. I'm sure all of these needed to be started here, and I was certainly the one God sent to do it!! I had done those things in my last church. I met with the creative arts director, and tried to get involved, but for some overwhelming reason, I just couldn't do it. So, I sat in the seat each Sunday and cried, laughed and continue to let God move in me.

Three years later, I felt it was time. God was nudging me in all of my brokenness, pain and tiredness. I started serving on the Production Team, where I've somehow become in charge of the set for our Sunday morning services. And I'm leading a bible study for young girls called Rise Above the Reflection, teaching them to focus on their inward beauty. I'm occasionally singing again, and helping the youth raise money for their mission trip to Macedonia.

The thing is, I didn't have to figure out where God wanted me, all I had to do was say "here I am, Lord, send me.." And HE put me exactly where HE wanted me, using my gifts the way HE planned. That's the incredible thing about God, that's the incredible thing about Powhatan Community Church. It's so alive and breathing with the spirit of God. It's hard to not get sucked in.

At the PCC production meetings on Tuesday morning, people say that lives are changed by what we do.. and they are. I am one of those lives.... changed.

God has continuously put me in uncomfortable places, areas where I felt I just couldn't do the things that He asked me to do. As I have focused on Him, he has given me the power to do what HE wants me to do for him. This is the first time in my walk with God that he feels so alive.

C.S. Lewis once said that we can not fully experience a relationship with God until we totally die to ourselves. For the first time in my life, I have done this. How incredible is that?? It is at the very bottom of brokenness that God is using me to do incredible things for His kingdom!!! It is only thorough him that I am strong.

During my quiet time last week, I read this verse, and then, God brought it back to me when I opened my iGoogle page, the same verse was right there in front of me. I am living this verse everyday!!

Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

2 Corinth. 12:8-10