Are You Tired? Worn Out?

Yesterday was a normal Tuesday for me. Woke up early, immediately pored myself a cup of coffee, and headed out the door to an early morning meeting. I'm part of The Production Team for Powhatan Community Church, and each Tuesday morning we meet to discuss, brainstorm and plan our services.

Later that morning I ended up talking to two wise people that God has deliberately brought into my life. I say deliberately because I didn't seek a relationship with them, but it has happened as I have opened myself up to what God's will is for my life. God has put both of them in my life as an answer to prayer. 

So, my wise friend said,".... What are you doing to take care of yourself? What can we do to help take care of you?"

Well, I do have a tendency to over-extend myself... hmmmm.

But, I also know that about myself and try to stay very conscious of that. And then I thought about the fact that what I do creatively for God is not energy draining at all, as long as I stay strong in my purpose.

REWIND~

I used to serve at my old church in what I thought was God's will. See, I knew that my gifting was from God and that I needed to use those gifts to serve Him (that's in the Bible in 1 Corinthians 12). So, I used my gifts in the way that I thought God wanted, I started ministries, and did all kinds of work... but with the wrong focus. The focus was on the ministry, not on God. GOD HAS TO BE NUMBER ONE! No wonder I got burned out. 

Ok, back to my story.....

At first I didn't know how to answer that question (Hmmm... what can you do to help take care... Hawaii is out of the picture.... hmmmmm... maybe a closer beach.... hmmmmm...). 

Oh, yeah, I'm not tired or burned out. I sat in my seat here at Powhatan Community Church for 4 years, just sat there, feeling guilty at times that I wasn't doing something. So last Fall, I asked God what he wanted from me, where did he want me to serve? As doors opened and doors closed, I made my way to what has been the best use of my creative gifts and also the use of gifts that I didn't even know were gifts!! All of this has happened in what has been one of the most emotionally and physically draining years of my life. 

Through my brokenness, I have learned to trust God. 

Through my brokenness, I have discovered His incredible power.

It's not about me.....

One of my favorite verses, that I often meditate on, is from Matthew 11:28-30, it says:

"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."(The Message)

The Leadership Summit

I just attended this awesome conference called "The Leadership Summit". I have told many people about it over the past few days. One thing I have noticed is, as soon as I say I went with people from my church, I see their eyes shift and something inside of them turns off, and they start to half listen because they are now filing this information into the "church" area of their brain which doesn't connect with the other areas.

I'm gonna have to get up on my soapbox now....

The Leadership Summit was not about CHURCH! It was a gathering of Leaders throughout the world. They shared their experience, expertise, failures, and advise on how they lead people. If you are a person who really wants to help change the world we live in, you should check this out..
The Leadership Summit 2009

Ok, I'm done.....

Just one question: What does "church" mean to you?
To Be Continued.......

A Community

This is what I call community. Several months ago I became in charge of "Set Design" at my church (Powhatan Community Church). How, you may ask, does a Nurse/Artist become in charge of "Set Design"?? I ask the same thing. I have NO "Set Design" experience, but that's the incredible thing about God. When you open yourself up to what His will is for your life, he just might show you. And in the mean time bring some incredible people into your life.

After spending over 3 years sitting in my seat, I finally got up again. I wanted to use my creativity somehow for God's kingdom. He led me to The Production Team and a bunch of awesome people that I now call friends. The creativity we bring to the table is amazing. I love how we spar each others ideas, and our creativity builds as we each say "what if we.... ". And the comfort level and trust we have to really express ourselves. I love that we're all so different and we can laugh at ourselves and when we have a crazy idea we all make this hand motion we call "The Squash".

Thank you, Production Team, for letting this new girl come in and find her place.

So, I sat on the floor of this warehouse last Saturday with 5 other creative people. For a while, I created the set mainly on my own. Sometimes I had help from other members of our Production Team, and for that I am so grateful! I tried so hard to develop my own team of "Set Designers", but it just wasn't happening, so I stopped trying.

So, on Saturday, as we cut and sanded and painted and made the set, I realized that I don't need a team.

What I have is a community.

These five people are also trying to find their way. We all shared our desires to use our art to reach the lost and the hurting, to show people Jesus, to be more like him and less like the people of this world. As I sat there I realized that God is doing something incredible for his Kingdom, and I can't wait to see what he plans to do next!

Won't you come along for the ride?

Creativity

Some of you may know that I am an artist. I am also a registered nurse. If there were one word to describe me, I think Artist is the word. My creativity carries over into every arena of my life, even nursing.

Until recently, I thought that my artistic abilities were just a bonus, it allowed me to express myself and make the world a more beautiful place. Artists make the world more beautiful visually, just like musicians make the world more beautiful with sound. And if you didn't have any of those beautifying gifts, then your gift was to enjoy them :)

And a lot of artists are tormented by their pasts. A very high percentage of creative people come from dysfunctional backgrounds. Maybe creativity is a release from the pains of the past. I think some of my dysfunctional past is exposed in my art. It also provides a release when things aren't going so well in my life. It's like therapy. When I bottled it up (my art) and I don't spend time creating, I get depressed.

In the past, when I painted, I didn't have purpose. Well, my purpose was to paint a painting of something. And it got boring sometimes. Like should I paint a flower or a frog? Or a house or a landscape, or an abstract? Oils, acrylic, watercolor? Sometimes just thinking about what to paint sucked the creativity out of the whole project. And that too is depressing.

The kind of artist that paints like I used to paint feels empty. I've had this nagging feeling for a while that there had to be more to this gift that God gave me. So much more......

As I have spent a lot of time lately really contemplating my gifts, I've come to this conclusion...

God gave me my gift so I could represent him in this world. When I paint now, I become part of the painting. I am part of the movement of the brush, the colors on the canvas, the breath of God is in my painting. God is speaking through my art.

How is God speaking through you??

Mom

I've been contemplating my role as a mother lately. I feel as though I have done a huge backslide in my life. That perhaps my children deserve better or more. They didn't choose me as their mother. They didn't choose the life that I have provided them. 

Then I think about my life as it was 5 - 6 years ago. I was living in the West End with my ex-husband and my then three children (now there's one more). We had worked so hard for the things we had, a fairly large house in a nice neighborhood, nice cars,nice clothes, nice toys and we tried to sacrifice some things so I didn't have to work. We were members of a nice church made up of young families, just like us, who did good things for those less fortunate. We decided to move to our Dream House, the one that had EVERYTHING we wanted (not needed), especially space, 4000 square feet and an attic to finish, decorated perfectly by me. It was more than enough for us. After moving into that house, things came crashing down. 

Fast forward: All of those things are gone. I have spent the better part of the last 5 years mourning those things, hating myself for many decisions that I made and how they have affected me and my children. And sometimes accepting the consequences that have come with those decisions, but mostly not.

I want to stop right now to say that this does not come out of unhappiness with the people in my life. This comes out of an expectation of what my life should have been like and what I thought was important. And there is a long list of those things. 

Ok, so what I have learned as I watched my kids moving their furniture and building a small fort in their tiny little bedroom today was that it's not about what I have provided them with physically. It's not about how their father can provide so much more for them (and he frequently strives to do so, and I frequently clench my stomach when he does), or where they live, or how big our house is...... 

It's about their character. It's about them watching me in my struggles and seeing how I handle them. 

If we were comfortable, we would never be broken. 

If we're never broken, we never look for more, we stay comfortable.

It's from my brokeness that my children see my strength. 

Warrior Chick

I was asked to be part of a small group of women that are getting together to read a book called "Warrior Chicks".

"All of the women in the group are strong leader types, and you're the one that the extra book in my car was meant for!" my friend said.

I was pretty excited about it. I have been in a number of Women's Bible Studies that have left me feeling empty. And well, my track record is not so great as far as small groups are concerned. My husband and I have tried a bunch, we're your basic small group whores, we try one once and never go back (for various reasons like, they're too far away or we have to work that night for the next 6 months, or whatever). So I had high expectations for this group,
and I did wonder how all of us strong personality leader types were going to get along.

A few questions I had as I anticipated our first meeting, and the answers I found after our first meeting:

1. Who would lead?? We all seem to naturally gravitate toward leadership, and when you are a born leader, you can't help but lead. I found myself making a conscious effort to let Karen guide us through the questions. It was a relief to have the shoe on the other foot, and just let someone else take responsibility for something. Phewwwwwww.

2. Who would talk? Or should I say who would listen? I have to admit, I like to talk, and when I am around others who like to talk, I talk even more! So, again I made a conscious effort to listen, really listen to these women.

3. Why are we really here? I know that God puts us in different situations and we don't always know why, and we sometimes think we are there to help others, when really they are helping us. I look forward to seeing how this group evolves, and how we each grow personally.

I was a little guarded at first, not sure where this thing was gonna go, but I left there feeling like I was somehow meant to be there. Like we are an underground secret sisterhood of real women, with real struggles and issues.

And week two was even crazier! I never realized that there were other women that are so much like me. What an adventure it is! I can't wait to see what happens next!

EXPERIENCE

Woke up this morning with a dull headache. Thinking about the fact that my week is coming to an end, which means I start my "work week" in a day or so. I work two 12 hour shifts each weekend. So, what I realized was how fast each week goes by. Same routine, same focus: work each weekend, Monday "put the house back together day", Tuesday - Friday is damage control, pool, kid activities, laundry, clean, church stuff, kid stuff, husband passing at the door............. kinda feel stuck.

So, I'm realigning my thinking. All of the things I've placed importance on like having new things, cleaning my house, keeping up with all of my peers, those things don't matter in the long run.

This week I have NOT done dishes everyday or vacuumed.

I've played with my kids more, I've taken them on new experiences. I went to the mall and DIDN'T BUY ANYTHING!!!!

With my oldest daughter in Macedonia on a mission trip, it's made me realize a few things. Yes, the house is a little bit quieter, and I keep thinking she's gonna come out of her room to ask me something. But...

What I've learned from seeing pictures of them and watching videos (IWCskopje2009.blogspot.com) is that life is not about the stuff. It's about the EXPERIENCE.

So many of us have been blinded by the distraction of THINGS.

Are you one of them?