Stuck

At what point do you reach the end of yourself? One thing I know for sure is that God is forever in my lifetime on earth working with me. I used to think that I would someday attain this status of greatness never to go no more.. he was done with me ;) That's a lie I told myself, or perhaps it was the whispering of those little evil angels that whisper in our ears and try to convince us of the things that we really know deep down inside are not the right thing to think or do. One thing I know for sure is that God will NEVER, EVER, EVER be done with me.

So I have to look back at the path that I have traveled:
     
     I have lived in this tiny house since 2005, it was a panicked decision to buy this house, well, the divorce and other circumstances blinded my decision making process. With that said, I have never really connected with this house. In fact I really hate this house! I have always hated this house!! It's a dump in my eyes and somehow I think I have always felt it was below me to live in such a place. It was such a back step coming from my half a million dollar paradise off of Robious Road (if you are local, you know what I am talking about). Because I needed 4000+ square feet of living space with a husband, 3 kids and 2 dogs. I needed to keep up with the Jones-es and the Smith-es, and run around in my little tennis outfit when I picked up the kids from school even though I didn't really hardly play tennis, it was always about the outfit. I needed all that because I worked hard and earned it. I deserved this, this stuff. NOT. But those demon angels convinced me that I did, and so I did.
     Now I live on 10 acres in the middle of nowhere in a barely 2000 square foot house that is falling apart and often looks like Sanford and Son live with me, oops, no, that's just my husband. No wonder I still have boxes that I haven't unpacked in 7 years!
     So for seven years I have somehow been trying to makeup for my "misfortune". I have bought things to put band-aids on the mess I have made of my life. I think we are all caught up in this vicious cycle of making ourselves believe that we need things. I have used shopping and buying things as a way to heal myself, and the biggest revelation I have had has come straight from heaven.

God has kept me here in this stuck place until I change my ways.

My to do list:

1) Stop buying crap that I absolutely do not need, regardless of whether it is cute or I want it. Sorry, Cute Orange Purse all my friends have and I really, really, really want... you will have to wait until all my other 200 purses wear out. 

2) Give the extra crap AWAY! or sell it. 

3) Be content, and wait for God to show me the next step in my journey called life.