Dear Creator...

God,

I have lost track again.

The world has sucked me in, I caved to the pressures of others who don't know you.

Take away my complacency. 

Take away my greed, my need for comfort and false securities.

You've asked me to be the salt and light, but my salt is weak and my light is dim, it barely flickers.

My actions mirror those around me.

Harsh judgement and cruel words fly from my  lips.

I want to love my enemies with the love that can only come from you.

I want to stop trying to figure you out and just accept you as the One who made me, and the One who knows best.

Forgive my arrogance, my self-centeredness, my audacity in thinking that I know best, that I can tell you how to be God.

Your ways are inexplicable. 

I want to believe your truths, all of them, even the ones that make me uncomfortable. The ones that others just can't believe you would do because you're a loving God, and love doesn't ever equal pain.

Rescue me from myself.

I want to be your beacon in this lost world.

I want to give up my comforts to help those in need.

Mold me, make me more like you.

Set me on fire.

Set me apart.

Amen.

Creativity...

The more I observe, the more I witness, the more I experience creative people, the more I have come to understand the creative process. Highly creative people need the emotional ups and downs to create. The creative process comes from that deep emotion's (pain, joy, anger...) need to get out.

Creativity lives in the fringes of insanity.

I'm not labeling. Much of what I write about comes from personal experience. I am a creative person.

Creativity drives me.

It takes on a life of it's own.

It's therapy.

It's exercise for the brain.

It's unpredictable.

It's a gift from above.

 

Procrastination you are NOT my Friend

I hate the one bad habit that I have (hahahaha, "one" bad habit, wink, wink ;)....

PROCRASTINATION!!!

I'm not sure why I do it. I have to say, I work really well under pressure and typically I still get things done. I even get good grades on papers that I stay up til 1am writing. However, it's not healthy to procrastinate. It is healthy to not stress over getting things done prematurely. I think I really need to list the reasons why I procrastinate so I have something to go back to:

1) I think part of it has to do with ADD.......squirrel! I get distracted easily. My motto is "as long as everything is accomplished during the day, it doesn't matter how it got accomplished".

2) I enjoy the adrenaline rush of doing things at the last minute.

3) I can live in denial and have fun in the moment, well, until the final hour comes and then I have to get down to business.

4) I have an over packed calendar. Most of which is unavoidable with running kids from place to place and just being a Mom. 

5) I don't remeber what day it is, then I realize that it's actually Monday and I have a paper due by 2am!

6) I have good intentions but then unexpected things happen that require my attention.

Ok, so they are all just a list of excuses.

And occassionally it is just an EPIC FAIL on my part.

Procrastination is not my friend.

We must part ways.

We're divorcing as of today.

Say a little prayer as I start to research my next paper that is due NEXT Monday. Thanks.

 

 

Tea is not Water and Gum has Sweeteners, and Ooops! I ate a Tater Tot!

I know tea is not water, and gum does have sweeteners (but I will keep searching the aisles of Whole Foods to find one that doesn't). 

I have been doing fine with my fast, but then as I was cleaning up after dinner, I popped a tater tot right into my mouth! Oooops! I realized. Then I tried to rationalize it as I ate three more, "Potatoes are vegetables and oil is ok, and they are baked, right??" This morning I woke up and thought to myself that I must have been under some sort of spell as I rationalized the eating of the tater tot. No, it's not ok, they are processed and probably fried before they are frozen and then re-baked. 

I asked forgiveness.

And now as I sit here trying to make sense of things, and procrastinate starting to write my paper on the History of Nursing Theorists, I realize that we do that very thing every day.

Let me break it down:

We do something bad/sinful, 

we realize it, 

we rationalize it, 

we do it again, 

then we realize it,

ask forgiveness,

then we do it again,

then we realize it,

maybe ask forgiveness again,

etc.,

etc.,

etc......

It gets old doesn't it?

Thank you Jesus that you forgive us and you change us.

Apple on my Counter......Summer 2010

Fasting

But Daniel determined that he would not defile himself by eating the king's food or drinking his wine, so he asked the head of the palace staff to exempt him from the royal diet. The head of the palace staff, by God's grace, liked Daniel, but he warned him, "I'm afraid of what my master the king will do. He is the one who assigned this diet and if he sees that you are not as healthy as the rest, he'll have my head!"

But Daniel appealed to a steward who had been assigned by the head of the palace staff to be in charge of Daniel, Hananiah, Mishael, and Azariah: "Try us out for ten days on a simple diet of vegetables and water. Then compare us with the young men who eat from the royal menu. Make your decision on the basis of what you see." 

Daniel 1:8-13

Today is day 7 for me. I have been hesitant to talk about fasting. It's something I am doing to draw closer to God, find descernemet, and detoxify my body and soul. I have been reading about it and studying about it for a long time, but have always put it on a back burner, "I'll start after vacation, after Christmas, after school is done, blah, blah, blah....". 

What better time to start then during Lent. I am giving up sugar for Lent and decided to do this Daniel fast to start off. 

 NO: meats, dairy, leavened bread, refined processed foods, deep-fried foods, solid fats, and non-water beverages. 

YES: vegetables, fruit, whole grains, nuts , seeds, legumes, quality oils, soy foods, water.

YES: Daily focus on Gods' word and the strongholds in my life that need to be released, so I can see clearly what God's plan is for me.

This first week has been challenging. I haven't found it challenging to eat healthy. I typically enjoy eating that way with added goodies (cookies and cakes and bagels). I have found it challenging to stay on track as my body revolts and detoxes. I have been bloated and physically feeling sick for this first week. Night time is the hardest time for me. 

I just want a little cookie or to lick the icing off a cupcake or two or twelve...

Or a chewy gooey rice crispy treat...

Or my famous caramel popcorn...

 

So for today I focus on this:

"The Daisy and The Bee" taken in my backyard two Springs ago.

Picture Inspiration

I'm participating in a year long photo adventure called Picture Inspiration. If you want to read more about it, there is button on the right column of my blog.

Each week I receive photo prompts, challenges, and projects. I looooovvvvvveeeee taking pictures! And this is a great way to find inspiration and also have the support of a fabulous community of other photographers.

This week my prompt was Finding a Little Rhythm....

Secret Lake

Wood

The Most Important Little Nugget

I am trying to read the bible this year. You know, do one of those "read the bible in a year" things. I feel like I have read most of the bible at some point in my life, but I think there are things that I have probably glazed over, and things that just didn't catch my eye. I'm realizing there's actually a lot that I haven't read.

Confession: I have a hard time paying attention to the old testament. I feel like it is the same thing over and over again. When I say paying attention, I don't mean as in obedience, I mean as in I'm a little ADD and have a hard time paying attention.

I'm reading Deuteronomy right now. It goes a little something like this:

• Moses leads the Israelites to the east side of the Jordan. 
• God tells Moses "Sorry, you're not going to the other side, like ever! You're going to die without ever seeing the promised land. Joshua (your assistant) will do it, he'll lead them, so encourage him." (that's how I hear it). 
• Moses gives a bunch of speeches to remind them about the past 40 years. 
• The Israelites whine about God not loving them. 
• Moses tells them to obey God, don't worship idols, etc., etc. and they will be a strong nation. 

And then one of the most important little nuggets of information is found in Deuteronomy 6:4-5:

"Listen Israel! The Lord our God is the only true God! So love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and strength."

Later Jesus reiterates (Mark 12:29) that this is the most important thing to do. This along with the second most important thing to do "Love others as you love yourself". 

I really think this is the summation of what Christianity is. 

Christ followers need to stop asking what's wrong with those who don't follow Christ. 

Maybe we need to start asking what's wrong with us. 

Maybe we need to strip 

down to the basics. 

Get back to the heart of what Jesus was saying. 

Stop judging, stop writing people off. 

Stop thinking we got it made cause we've accepted Jesus. 

Stop being self centered.  

Just love God and love others, period, that's all. 

So here's your challenge: Strip down your beliefs to just those 2 commandments. Do it for a day or a week or a month. See what happens when you really live out what Jesus said. Then, let me know what happens....

Novice or Expert?

There is this book I had to read a long time ago when I was in school working on my Bachelors Degree in Nursing. The book is called Novice to Expert. That's it right over there to  your left, just in case you need a visual or would want to learn about this process that nurses go through. Written by Patricia Benner, it's been revised a few times. I'm sure it has so much more exciting information in this latest addition (sarcasm intended).

Back to my point... So nurses go through this process from being a fresh new nurse to being a nurse with much wisdom and experience. New nurses know that they don't know much and they aren't afraid to ask for help or admit that they need help. At some point a new nurse evolves into this person that has a little more knowledge and experience and if they are not careful, they can actually be dangerous because they don't know what they don't know. 

This really made me think about how we are in relation to God. I think many of us "Christians" (I don't like that word for various reasons, don't have time to explain right now) go through this same process. After a while of following Christ, we kinda think we know everything. But we will never know all of who God is. We will need to seek Him and keep learning about Him for our entire lives here on earth. 

Knowing that you don't know everything is better than thinking that you do know everything (cause you really don't) :)

 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD. “As the heavens are higher than the earth,
   so are my ways higher than your ways
   and my thoughts than your thoughts.

Isaiah 55:8-9

Haiti

Something I just can't get off of my mind..... check it out here.

Chickens

Our Little Red Hen...

The present she leaves us at the front door each morning.

The cat is afraid of the chicken.. go figure.

Sammy and the Little Red Hen (or one of her sisters).

Help for Children

There is this blog that I have been following for a while now. The Real Hope for Haiti Clinic provides treatment for children diagnosed with malnutrition. I know I am destined to do something like this. I spend hours reading blogs and websites about children in need. My experience as a Neonatal Nurse and a Pediatric Nurse will serve me well in this kind of environment. Each day that I spend at my job and at my home is the training ground for the day I go. I was recently touched by this post. They are raising money for an intensive care tent.

Check them out, see what they are doing over there...

Day 2

 Day 2

 Let yourselves be pulled into a way of life shaped by God's life, a life energetic and blazing with holiness...

So roll up your sleeves, put your mind in gear, be totally ready to receive the gift that's coming when Jesus arrives. Don't lazily slip back into those old grooves of evil, doing just what you feel like doing... You didn't know any better then; you do now... 

Your life is a journey you must travel with a deep consciousness of God...

Now that you've cleaned up your lives by following the truth, love one another as if your lives depended on it....

(Highlights from The Message 1 Peter 1: 13-25)

I have just been staring at a blank screen... there's so much that can be said, yet the words are sometimes hard to get out onto paper. I think it's interesting that I feel like I have to have every sentence make perfect grammatical sense, my left brain fighting with my right brain. At times it's easier to just list the words that express my thoughts and feelings, and other times things have to be drawn out in long form. I think for the next several days, I will post some of my thoughts as they come to me... stay tuned, respond as you feel prompted.

Day 1

 I find it interesting that dysfunctional people always blame others for everything that goes wrong. They are masters at manipulating a situation so that they look innocent. They are unwilling to change because... it's not their fault. They are probably the most self centered people I know. I watch them push others away without realizing they are pushing others away.
I guess that's why they are dysfunctional.
I wonder if this is how God feels about us?
I sometimes feel like there is this barrier that we all remain under.
If we could just break through, we would see that the world is just not what we think it is.
It's so different.
The things we place value on hold no value in the grand scheme of things.

Every now and then, I get a little glimpse.

A little glimpse of being closer to God, and viewing the world through His eyes.

It's amazing.

This is all I've got to say....

Sometimes a song just says it all.....

Time to Think....

I have been knee deep in work and school these last few months. I decided after 18 years in the health care industry to return to school....

Why??

Have I lost my mind? 

YES!

Wife, Mother to 4, full -time NICU nurse, of course I've lost my mind, but it was gone long before I returned to school.

 I often look at my "high functioning" friends. They are "high functioning" because these women balance many things and succeed. These are the leaders, the mentors, the innovators in my industry. It's awesome to be part of a profession that allows women, especially mothers to excel. I have to laugh at how we do it sometimes. I often have the choice to call into a meeting from home. This is great because it keeps me home with my kids, and I am able to participate in important meetings. 

Let me pause for a moment:

 Have you ever tried to have a professional conference call with screaming kids in the background? 

I have to do the double barricade technique.... I lock the bedroom door and then lock myself into the bathroom located in the bedroom. This normal works, it takes them a little while to figure out where I am and then a little longer to bust down the doors.

At times I hear alarming sounds and have to check on them. It's a lot like going into battle, here's the plan:

First step: MUTE THE PHONE

Second step: ENTER BATTLE ZONE (watch for flying debris)

Third Step: MAKE SURE NO ONE IS UNCONSCIOUS OR BLEEDING

Fourth Step: AVOID (questions like: "When is dinner, we're HUNGRY!")

Fifth Step: RETURN TO BARRICADE (hope no one follows and you can pick up on the conversation at hand with the "grown ups" at work, oh, and add something intelligent to the conversation).

Amidst the chaos 

is a common goal of providing care to human beings in a compassionate, loving way. 

That's why we do what we do. 

We sacrifice, we give. 

We're role models to our families and friends. 

We better ourselves with education and training.

That's why I'm a nurse.

That's why I'm going back to school, so I can be the best nurse that I can be.

Me & some of my "high functioning" nurse friends

Ever feel like  a song was  written about  you? Here's one for me. I didn't think Pink was my color.....

Made a wrong turn, once or twice
Dug my way out, blood and fire
Bad decisions, that's alright
Welcome to my silly life
Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood
Miss 'No way, it's all good', it didn't slow me down
Mistaken, always second guessing, underestimated
Look, I'm still around

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than , less than perfect
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like you're nothing
You are perfect to me!

You're so mean, when you talk about yourself, you were wrong
Change the voices in your head, make them like you instead
So complicated, look happy, you'll make it!
Filled with so much hatred...such a tired game
It's enough! I've done all I can think of
Chased down all my demons, I've seen you do the same

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than, less than perfect
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like you're nothing
You are perfect to me!