Scars and Tattoos

I'm taking some time right now to really contemplate life and decisions made. As I look back over my life, I realize that for many years, I acted out of a self serving nature, a place of pain. Yes, I knew God then, I had given my life over to him when I was child, and re-dedicated my life to him many, many times. Yes, when I asked Jesus into my heart, I was "born again", made new, "a new creation in Christ". But, I have fallen off the wagon so, so many times.

For me, falling off the wagon is when I let the aching, empty, wounded part of my heart take control.

And yeah, we all have an empty, aching, wounded place in our heart. That's the place where the hurts gather, they start as fresh wounds, and then as they heal, they scar. God doesn't want to erase the hurts from our lives, that's why they stay there as scars. And then are tattoos, these are the good things, the ones that make our hearts happy and well over with joy. Scars and tattoos, they are both reminders of who we are and where we have been.

If I were to open up my heart and show you the scars, wounds, and tattoos, it would look like this.......
The good, the bad, the ugly, the beautiful, the various stages of healing......


So many times, I have lived my life out of the hurt. I have forgotten who my Healer is.

See the tattoos of my children? My marriage, my divorce? The sun? The rain? Not all of those things are hurt, some are joy.

See the wound that is stitched up in the center? My Healer did that, he stitched up the large slice in my heart that not having a father left behind, it used to hurt so bad, now it's just a little sore.

See the scar to the left? That's one of the scars that divorce left. That's pretty much healed, it hurts every now and then, mainly when I bump it.

See the black mess to the right? That's the place where I let my current situation get the best of me. I handed that one over this morning, my Healer's taking care of that one too.

Why A Tree???

At Powhatan Community Church, we are always doing new and different things. A few Sundays ago we did a live painting on stage as part of the worship experience. It not something that many people have seen, using painting as a form of worship.

What does it mean to worship God through painting?

Think of it like you think of worshiping God through music. Whether on stage leading, or in your seat singing and clapping your hands, you are showing God your love and that pleases Him immensely! Worshiping God through visual arts is the same thing, whether on stage, to the side of the stage, in your seat, or in your own home, .... it's just an Artist bearing their heart to show God how much they love Him.

And really, anyone can worship Him this way. If you're passionate about creating.....try worship God through visual arts.... painting, sculpting, drawing, or any kind of visual expression. It's a very powerful way to worship our Creator.

So, why a tree??? Colossians 3:1-17
Listen to this:

Heart Full of Green

I am not a liberal environmentalist.

I am concerned that we are not taking care of the resources (our environment) that God gave us, and our neglect is now coming back to bite us in the butt.

Everyone is on this whole "green" kick. I know some people think that the Treehuggers are somehow making a revival, and the liberal Democrats are gaining ground, and really who can afford to eat organic food anyway?? And does this mean that all need to start recycling and what exactly is sustainable living??

Let's look at how the average person can make a difference....
Buy Local. Support your local independently owned businesses. Check out the 3 / 50 Project. Did you know that "for every $100 spent in independently owned store, $68 returns to the community through taxes, payroll, and other expenditures. If you spend that in a national chain, only $43 stays here. Spend it on line and NOTHING comes home." the350project.net.

Now that makes you re-think things... hmmmm

Most of the time when I tell people that I buy local organic foods, I get this response "I'm poor, I can't afford to buy organic." I often ask, "Can you afford the long term affects of eating food that is bad for you?" Or "The cost to ship food here from half way around the world?"

Buying grass fed and free range. I know that's expensive too, how about buying from the local co-op? No one can afford that either.

My question is How can we afford NOT to??

So those grapes you bought at Walmart for $1.89/ lb. are way cheaper than the $2.50/lb. you pay at the local healthfood store or co-op. But the Walmart grapes came from Chile or New Zealand. How much did it cost to get them to you? Gas, freight, man power? You're only kidding yourself if you think that the cost is not somehow deferred back to you. Buy your grapes from a local co-op or farmer and that money will directly affect our local economy.

Most of us can't afford to buy everything organic. There are certain things that I always buy organic and certain things that I rotate from organic to non-organic in order to cut down on the expense. If you can only afford a few things organic, Milk would be number one on my list. The hormones given to cows and the pesticides that the cows ingest go directly into their milk supply. There is also a list of fruits and vegetables that are lowest and highest in pesticides at foodnews.org. I also shop though a local co-op called Fall Line Farms. Yes, they are more expensive than Foodlion or Walmart, but all of the food is from local farmers and growers.

I think if we all do our part in supporting local businesses & farmers, and we try our best to take care of the earth that God gave us, it will eventually turn our economy around and we will also live healthier lives.


Here are a few links:


Fall Line Farms


When-organic-food-is-worth-it


Trader Joes


Bill Nye (remember him? The Science Guy)


Food News


The 3 / 50 Project

Are You Tired? Worn Out?

Yesterday was a normal Tuesday for me. Woke up early, immediately pored myself a cup of coffee, and headed out the door to an early morning meeting. I'm part of The Production Team for Powhatan Community Church, and each Tuesday morning we meet to discuss, brainstorm and plan our services.

Later that morning I ended up talking to two wise people that God has deliberately brought into my life. I say deliberately because I didn't seek a relationship with them, but it has happened as I have opened myself up to what God's will is for my life. God has put both of them in my life as an answer to prayer. 

So, my wise friend said,".... What are you doing to take care of yourself? What can we do to help take care of you?"

Well, I do have a tendency to over-extend myself... hmmmm.

But, I also know that about myself and try to stay very conscious of that. And then I thought about the fact that what I do creatively for God is not energy draining at all, as long as I stay strong in my purpose.

REWIND~

I used to serve at my old church in what I thought was God's will. See, I knew that my gifting was from God and that I needed to use those gifts to serve Him (that's in the Bible in 1 Corinthians 12). So, I used my gifts in the way that I thought God wanted, I started ministries, and did all kinds of work... but with the wrong focus. The focus was on the ministry, not on God. GOD HAS TO BE NUMBER ONE! No wonder I got burned out. 

Ok, back to my story.....

At first I didn't know how to answer that question (Hmmm... what can you do to help take care... Hawaii is out of the picture.... hmmmmm... maybe a closer beach.... hmmmmm...). 

Oh, yeah, I'm not tired or burned out. I sat in my seat here at Powhatan Community Church for 4 years, just sat there, feeling guilty at times that I wasn't doing something. So last Fall, I asked God what he wanted from me, where did he want me to serve? As doors opened and doors closed, I made my way to what has been the best use of my creative gifts and also the use of gifts that I didn't even know were gifts!! All of this has happened in what has been one of the most emotionally and physically draining years of my life. 

Through my brokenness, I have learned to trust God. 

Through my brokenness, I have discovered His incredible power.

It's not about me.....

One of my favorite verses, that I often meditate on, is from Matthew 11:28-30, it says:

"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."(The Message)

The Leadership Summit

I just attended this awesome conference called "The Leadership Summit". I have told many people about it over the past few days. One thing I have noticed is, as soon as I say I went with people from my church, I see their eyes shift and something inside of them turns off, and they start to half listen because they are now filing this information into the "church" area of their brain which doesn't connect with the other areas.

I'm gonna have to get up on my soapbox now....

The Leadership Summit was not about CHURCH! It was a gathering of Leaders throughout the world. They shared their experience, expertise, failures, and advise on how they lead people. If you are a person who really wants to help change the world we live in, you should check this out..
The Leadership Summit 2009

Ok, I'm done.....

Just one question: What does "church" mean to you?
To Be Continued.......

A Community

This is what I call community. Several months ago I became in charge of "Set Design" at my church (Powhatan Community Church). How, you may ask, does a Nurse/Artist become in charge of "Set Design"?? I ask the same thing. I have NO "Set Design" experience, but that's the incredible thing about God. When you open yourself up to what His will is for your life, he just might show you. And in the mean time bring some incredible people into your life.

After spending over 3 years sitting in my seat, I finally got up again. I wanted to use my creativity somehow for God's kingdom. He led me to The Production Team and a bunch of awesome people that I now call friends. The creativity we bring to the table is amazing. I love how we spar each others ideas, and our creativity builds as we each say "what if we.... ". And the comfort level and trust we have to really express ourselves. I love that we're all so different and we can laugh at ourselves and when we have a crazy idea we all make this hand motion we call "The Squash".

Thank you, Production Team, for letting this new girl come in and find her place.

So, I sat on the floor of this warehouse last Saturday with 5 other creative people. For a while, I created the set mainly on my own. Sometimes I had help from other members of our Production Team, and for that I am so grateful! I tried so hard to develop my own team of "Set Designers", but it just wasn't happening, so I stopped trying.

So, on Saturday, as we cut and sanded and painted and made the set, I realized that I don't need a team.

What I have is a community.

These five people are also trying to find their way. We all shared our desires to use our art to reach the lost and the hurting, to show people Jesus, to be more like him and less like the people of this world. As I sat there I realized that God is doing something incredible for his Kingdom, and I can't wait to see what he plans to do next!

Won't you come along for the ride?

Creativity

Some of you may know that I am an artist. I am also a registered nurse. If there were one word to describe me, I think Artist is the word. My creativity carries over into every arena of my life, even nursing.

Until recently, I thought that my artistic abilities were just a bonus, it allowed me to express myself and make the world a more beautiful place. Artists make the world more beautiful visually, just like musicians make the world more beautiful with sound. And if you didn't have any of those beautifying gifts, then your gift was to enjoy them :)

And a lot of artists are tormented by their pasts. A very high percentage of creative people come from dysfunctional backgrounds. Maybe creativity is a release from the pains of the past. I think some of my dysfunctional past is exposed in my art. It also provides a release when things aren't going so well in my life. It's like therapy. When I bottled it up (my art) and I don't spend time creating, I get depressed.

In the past, when I painted, I didn't have purpose. Well, my purpose was to paint a painting of something. And it got boring sometimes. Like should I paint a flower or a frog? Or a house or a landscape, or an abstract? Oils, acrylic, watercolor? Sometimes just thinking about what to paint sucked the creativity out of the whole project. And that too is depressing.

The kind of artist that paints like I used to paint feels empty. I've had this nagging feeling for a while that there had to be more to this gift that God gave me. So much more......

As I have spent a lot of time lately really contemplating my gifts, I've come to this conclusion...

God gave me my gift so I could represent him in this world. When I paint now, I become part of the painting. I am part of the movement of the brush, the colors on the canvas, the breath of God is in my painting. God is speaking through my art.

How is God speaking through you??